Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Comments on a poem about a life interrupted?


Question: Comments on a poem about a life interrupted!?
floating aimlessly
down river on raft
not a care in the world
focusing on gentle flow
current rocking your cradle
sweet lullaby
dark clouds billow
overhead
drenching you with cold
fierce downpour
pellets stinging like darts

a life interrupted
by the stuff of lifeWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Love the advice on stuff being of a childish register!.

I don't know if I like the ommission of articles in L2, L4, L9!. It seems to foreground the identity of the speaker, a question not satisfactorily dealt with here!. But then perhaps this is explained in one of your other poems featuring this stylistic choice, or by the collective itself!. The poem's clarity wouldn't suffer for having those articles in it, I think!.

A poem I liked a lot nevertheless (ending couplet is wonderful)!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Now I get it, it's about a life that the world as mistreated, but has done nothing wrong!. I have just a few tips:

If you are going to break up your poem, make it rhyme

Don't say "stuff" It makes you sound immature, not saying you are, but it sounds like it comes from a kid's poem!. Say,
"A life interrupted; By someone else's issues in life; not mine They were never supposed to be mine!.!.!." See! Look how mysterious and interesting that sounds! Just change stuff!. (I don't care if you steal that line)

Try to avoid saying a word twice in a few sentences!. Like "Say a life interrupted by all the problems of ones heart!.!.!." Now once agian, see!

I hope this helps you ALOT, because I love poems, and I don't think you should ever stop, if you ever find a desire to write!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your poem -- it is grrrreat, please allow me the liberty to have fun with a little bit of editing:

Floating aimlessly,
down a river on a raft!.
Not a care in the world!.

Current rocks the cradle,
with its sweet lullaby;
Then, dark clouds billow,
that drench the cold bone!.

Pain from stinging pellets
darts that interrupt!.
Like a storm or a trial
in the midst of this life!.


Thank you very much!.!.!. that was enjoyable!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Defy the clouds Ma!.!.!.!. smile at them, embrace them, even if they sting!.!.!. it is all just a piece of a greater thing which is the gift of life!.!.!. laugh you guts out at the silly things!.!.!. let an undeniable and contagious smile be your armour!.!.!. stand tall and the river of life will listen to your call!.!.!. you write such beautiful words !.!.!. you are a very gifted woman!.!.!. Respect to you and yours!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

The stuff of life is usually all we remember of the journey!.

I used to be an avid canoer!. My buddies and I never talk about the easy, simple trips!. Nobody ever says "Remember that time nothing happened!?"

Nice image you've captured!. (Deer flies and mosquitos would have been too close to home!.)Www@QuestionHome@Com

A life interrupted suggests the tragic death of a person before their time!. I like much of this poem except the last two lines!. The last two lines need to suggest that life is full of surprises and that we take them in stride and continue to move forward!.

Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"This is the mystery of the quotient!.!.!.
!.!.!.upon us all a little rain must must fall"
-Led Zeppelin

http://uk!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=S-jCNySpWi!.!.!.

Life has its interruptions!.!.!.I wouldn't change a thing!.
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
-John Lennon

http://uk!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=CMCmoHAax1!.!.!.
(A life more seriously interrupted)Www@QuestionHome@Com

umm!.!.
okay, you know I write to rhyme!. Doesn't mean I think every one should!.
if it flows for me, I like it, if it doesn't!.!.I don't!.
See how simple I am!.!.!.SNORT!

I was afraid to read this!. Now I'm glad I did!.
It's great the way it is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I reckon it could be structured abit better, to make it more like a poem,
but other than that i love it!
If you do improove on it,
please post the finished result :D
xxxWww@QuestionHome@Com

But then the sun will again shine, and warm you and comfort you till the next storm!. Maybe by then you can find an umbrella!.
Just keep floating!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Takes me back to when I floated down the creek in a walnut shell with a toothpick and postage stamp for a sail!.!.!. and I got caught up in a waterfall!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, Ma but sometimes those interruptions become the memory! Live through the interruption and don't forget what it was!.

Pleasant thoughts to you!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Storms on sea and land of life come out of the blue without an end,
all one can do is adjust the sail!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Then, what do we do when our life is interrupted by stuff!. It goes on -- both life and stuff!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Lucky you are such absorbing company ma!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That's life!. Days go by smoothly and then it hits you like a ton of bricks!. Mama said we'd have days like this!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"stuff" I like!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

sometimes, fish still bite in the rain!.!.!.!.!.

and a bad day fishing, is still a good day!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I really do like this poem Ma!.!.thankyou!.!.xxxxWww@QuestionHome@Com

I don't like when stuff interrupts my life!.

Good one, Ma!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i like it!. i sure hope mek is right!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

you had me in a calm state of mind then an interruption came alongWww@QuestionHome@Com

It touched my heart
so close to home for me!.!.
When You loose a loved one

!.!.!.!. you go Looking
for the sunshine!.
!.!.!.!. Just go back and forth
searching
!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

but deep down!.!.!.!.!.!.

!.!.!.!.!.!.!.we all know!.!.!.

!.!.!.that the sun's gonna rise again!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com