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Question: Is this poem any good!? !?
I wrote a poem for a guy I like
Tell me what i need to improve on ;)
My Man's Eyes
Amazing deep brown, just like the earth
His looks give me life, like a plant and the dirt
Just one of his stares is enough for me
One can only take so much beauty
From his eyebrows to cheekbones is all he needs
To set thy agonizing heart free
One day, I know, I'll set my blue on his brown
And there will never be another frown
For from there on out there will only be
A smile, setting thy soul free
For him to grasp with his masculine hands
And maybe then he will be the man,
To hold my soul close to his heart
And from there, we will never grow apart
His eyes fascinate me, almost scaring me
He's a man and boy in one
With a man's body, so strong and smooth
But a boy's personality, so young and cute
I see him, and I know I've won
With one look into his eyes
With one look into his amazing brown eyesWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Veeeery interesting!. Good rhyming [= the flow got knocked off on some parts just a liiiiiittle bit lol!. I hope he doesn't laugh neither, but he seems like he's very mature, a keeper so he probably won't!. Well do you plan on giving it to him!? But anyway, keep working on your pieces and they're gonna get better!. Good job though [=Www@QuestionHome@Com
As a man, I am getting sick!. I don't think comparing brown eyes to dirt is such a sweet sentiment!. also, lose the 'thy'!. This is not the 19th century!. No poet of today would use the old language!.
Otherwise it is good and heartfelt!. I hope he doesn't laugh when he reads it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
something is missing idk what it is
the sparkle
it's kinda masculin
idk why
it's not feminine and smoothWww@QuestionHome@Com
it aightWww@QuestionHome@Com
Good, but not that dynamic!. It could use a bit of tweaking in the last stanza!. I liked it though!Www@QuestionHome@Com