A poem concerning the trials of addiction. Will you comment?

Question: A poem concerning the trials of addiction!. Will you comment!?

Carrion arms and soul of leg
crawling through the mire
slithered scalp and banal dregs
draw the spurned and dire

Withered wanton cold and vile
wait on swaths of mottle
blither of speak and all the while
teeming towards the bottle!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

very nice diction, left my skin crawling!., I mean that in the tone of the piece, not as sarcasm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I can see where your going with trying to make the picture of a monster but your putting lots of descriptive words but not tying it together with actual english

Carrion arms and sinewy legs
crawling through the mire,
slithered scalp and trailing dregs,
do nothing but draw spurn and dire,

Withered, wanton, cold, and vile
wait on (swaths of mottle) (change this)
blither of speak and all the while
teeming towards the bottle!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Oh wow I really like it! A very bleak emotion you are portraying!.
I love the words you used,not very commonly used words!. And you relay your message so well!. You rhythm is perfect!. Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

This is a good example of how sound (just like a movie sound track) plays a vital roll in setting the mood!. I believe that's why they call it an accompaniment!. Nice write Louis!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Message is strong and the rhyme is perfectly "unforced"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com