A poem... fog in your headlights... criticism with constructive words, welcome.?

Question: A poem!.!.!. fog in your headlights!.!.!. criticism with constructive words, welcome!.!?

My memory serves
Proportionate measures
Alacrity in sensual pleasures
When eyes in closing
Quaint beauty see
Inviting visceral ecstasy
When lying quiet breath now slow
The pulse and heart beat go
In that moment
My spirit slips away
And I am now
As the fog
In your
Headlights!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

This is a perfect read
at the end of a day
such as today!.

Beams!.

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I'd say you wrote this in two parts, seperated in time!. The first part ends with ecstasy, and it looks like you were in love with exquisite wording when you wrote it!.

The second part, it seems you relaxed and let your thoughts flow!. Compare the number of multiple syllable words in the two!.

Nice poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Beautiful poem, only negative I would imply is a stronger caesura in the "When lying quiet breath now slow", like using a comma after "lying"
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Cingratulations!This is a perfect poemWww@QuestionHome@Com

Shine the headlights on this star!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Beep BeepWww@QuestionHome@Com

I think I have to be alone!.!.!.!. love your words!.!.!. leave it where it be!.!.!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Lucky you,
I'm more the deer in the headlights!.

maWww@QuestionHome@Com

I agree with IWAD!.
A lovely read!.
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