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Position:Home>Poetry> What is your opinion of my new (and different) Ocean poem?Question: What is your opinion of my new (and different) Ocean poem!? STAR RAKER by Elaine Polin (With thanks to Warren D for the name of our new ship and to Judith S for ‘sky scraper’)!. ‘Star Raker,’ peace-maker All aboard for home, Out through God’s Ocean Into Heaven’s foam!. ‘Star Raker,’ sky-scraper, Onward past the Moon, Sail now through starlight A Homecoming soon!. ‘Star Raker,’ Earth-shaker, Fly through starry straits, Far from this death trap Our red planet waits!. ‘Star Raker,’ poet-taker, With pens, not a sword, Our domes are ready We’re leaving Earth’s horde!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It amazes me that so many cannot see the correlation between the vastness of the ocean and the vastness of space!. This tells it in a beautiful manner, a trip through the ocean of vacuum to a place waiting invitingly and at the same time hostile, to be conquered not with the sword, but with the pen, for it has been written that the pen is mightier than the sword!. Here is my pen to add to the armory that will house our weapons arsenal!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Homophonically speaking "a notion"!.!.!.vast, expansive, largely unknown!.!.!.ready for exploration yes, oceans, space and notions!.!.!.!. Sudden relative influx has inhibited my movements lately, I will have the space-walk suit back on in a day or 2!. Can we do laser poetry too - sky writing!? Modern poetry book title - Graffiti Life!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com that's cool, but like others have said, it's not much about the ocean !. !. sorry !. !. maybe you could change the theme from ocean to something else!? but otherwise, it is a very good poemWww@QuestionHome@Com Well i like it, but it kind of drifts away from the whole idea of the ocean!. it gets to be more about earth!. I like it though, but i wouldn't really call it an ocean poemWww@QuestionHome@Com These are getting more and more interesting as the day arrives!. And a big "Thank You" to you!. I enjoyed seeing my suggestion for the name of the ship in your poem!. Www@QuestionHome@Com I really liked it and now i too want to join you and the others for the trip to mars too!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Mars and the big wide stars' yes it sounds exciting to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com it's very good!. u should go on on poetry!. it is nice for ur age people!. u have good imagination of ur own!. very good keep it up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Beyond the blue horizon, ( as Dondi too suggests) ocean and sky become one!. You don't fall off the edge!. Www@QuestionHome@Com YEAH!!! !.!.!.!.I mean Yes id like it!! Love the last stanza !.!.With pens,not a sword !.!.!.!.Our domes are ready !.!.!.!.We're leaving in hordes!.!.!. Could we trample some Trolls on the way out!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com Is this some cult or something!? Sounds a little like Heaven's Gate!.!.!.!. mind control stuffWww@QuestionHome@Com Pretty good!. Sounds cool but what on earth does it mean!?!!?Www@QuestionHome@Com I too have pen in hand To go to this promised land!. Where men are free and wars don't exist Can we leave in the morning mist!? Www@QuestionHome@Com This is fun!. It gave me an really funny idea!.!.!.I'm not telling!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com |