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Question: May I join the discussion with a poem of my own!?
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SINNERS LAMENT

Call down thunder,
Call down torrents,
Swing the Holy
Hammer towards us,

Bring us wrath,
Bring on curses,
Close the Golden
Gate before us,

Black the sun,
Bleak the forest,
Sing us not
An Angel’s chorus,

Shed no tears,
Share no solace,
Let the loving God
Appall us!.

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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Thank goodness I'm not a sinner!.
I can hear and see your colorfull rectangle
at the pulpit!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Message aside, I like the alliteration of the first two lines of each stanza and especially the slant rhyming fourth lines of the four stanzas!.

I agree that 'towards' should lose the 's' because it seems to clash with 'us!.' The poem is also very vocalic, something difficult to do in English!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Holy Hammer!
Reminds me of a couple I know (though I haven't seen them arguing for a little while now), each accusing the other of being unfaithful!.
The Golden Gate is in San Francisco!.!.!.I won't even go there!.
Thought the poem was excellent, though!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wonderful!. Vibrant!. Evocative!.

May I make one suggestion!?

Place the word "and" at the end of the first line in S2, S3, & S4!. You will then have perfect meter!.

Cheers!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Loving Gods never appall us!. We do that to ourselves!.

This has a very dark Litany feel to it, it should be read antiphonally for best effect!. You could give Jonathan Edwards a run for his money with this one!Www@QuestionHome@Com

What an awful task
To stand God's wrath
The light of day cannot be seen
The face of God is missing a gleem
No singing to the harp
No listening to the larkWww@QuestionHome@Com

You lost me at "loving God" but had me back at "Appall"!. You big tease!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

That was excellent!.

Again and again!.

Would it mess with meter and beat to keep "Holy Hammer" on the same line!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Your last stanza has strong irony with the 'loving God' reference! A good read!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I know only a little bit, about a lot of things!.Www@QuestionHome@Com