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Question: Was wondering if I could get some feedback on my poem!.!?
People say there are many out there for someone like me!.
But I want to wake up with you curled up in my arms, knowing that to me this is pure ecstasy!.
There was a time the other day when I realized I miss being with someone like you!.
In my heart is where you are and taking care of it is what I need you to do!.
I thought of you as I was being alone wishing you were there along with me!.
Do you ever consider how these things could truly be!?
I wait for your rejection and hang my head here wondering if there really is a heaven or if there is only this hell!.
Will you tell me good ye or will you be sitting here thinking of me when you begin to cry!?
Will you cry for not knowing inside my head I am always thinking of you, I will think of you tillI learn how to teach my thoughts to fly!.
When you want to show me what you feel don't hesitate don't refrain!.
Let it all out, if not it will hurt, all the pain!.
I want to walk in the creek with the water splashing me knee high!.
I want to walk with you and let it all flow like the clouds in the sky!.
Everything seems to take hold and tear me apart, it makes me feel wrong it makes me feel so consumed!.
It is as if an iron bar has fallen down and hit me it makes me feel as if my life is doomed!.
I try to live in the light and let it shine for others to see, I carry my darkness inside it consumes me with all the hate it sometimes feels like it will kill me!.
I could blame all the hatred on one person and blame him for me not finding something other than all this I had!.
I could fallback on that and all would be different but I can not blame any one but myself I can not blame dad!.
I want to be better, I want to show I can be great!.
So I have to ask should we realize that this is only fate!?
I am asking you to tell me what you will, I am asking you to share with me all of your fears!.
I sat in pain for so long I sat there in misery for so many years!.
I hear something pounding, something loud, something knocking on the door!.
It is the knocking of something that I am not so sure i want or should I do I really want more!.
If I decide to open it up and see if I am sure!.
I only wish that this is something that can be completely pure!.
It is as if I am drunk with this, my vision has gotten so blurry!.
What can I do to make this for real, to make it just a bit less dreary!.
Hold onto my hand and walk with me as far as you can!.
I can not tell if this is what is supposed to be done or if I am rewriting the entire plan!.
Is there someone watching, is there someone listening, acting as a spy!?
I understand how it should go but I can not, I got to make it all fly!.
I do not mean to hurt anyone, do not want to make you cry!.
All I want is for you to feel what I feel when I look at you, the biggest high!.
I walk down the street not knowing what I am to do, I guess my mind is lost!.
I have not felt this way about someone in quite a few years, I must say I would love to try with you no matter what the cost!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Wow that is really good
i like the way u relate to u and others
and don't listen to anyone who thinks poems are supposed to be short cause it really doesn't matter how long it is!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Beautiful deepWww@QuestionHome@Com

Silver Tongue will answer in 3!.!.!.2!.!.!.1!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

i really enjoyed it because you showed a lot of emotionWww@QuestionHome@Com

earase like 7 lines or people will get bored and not read it other than that it's kinda goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's too long!.!. I just read some of it!. It's good!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

TO LONG shorten itWww@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, it is really awesome! Nice job there! Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow this is a great poem, but you kinda have to cut the slack a little, you know what I mean!? Just try to make it a little shorter!. But this is a good poem and you really know how to let out feelings!. If this gets big, one person might look at this and will realize there not the only ones!. Good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i think this poem is really deep and sweet and i think you are a very sensitive and open minded person and i think it is like the best poem i have ever read!you have a lot of talen i think you could write poems for a living!it rocks!so sweet!Www@QuestionHome@Com

from a fellow poet, not bad!
i like it, you depicted a very clear scene, but the emotion seems to get a little mixed and lost in the picture!.
work on editing and try to feel out the "beat" of the poem!. if you're using it in a slam or something, shorten it up and try to make it a little more clear!.
i liked te general wording, but with a bit more editing and practice you can get really good!. ;)Www@QuestionHome@Com