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Position:Home>Poetry> My new piece - what are your thoughts?Question: My new piece - what are your thoughts!? Forgiving eyes!.
Hard and black his hands are grasping, A throat now bound and bruised no air, Pushing inward with force no direction, An outside look of empathy all fair!. Rubbing and tired against flesh now pink, Blood rising to cool and heated skin, Raw and imbalanced thighs for standing, A frail body once plump now thin!. Release and pity flow as one, the eyes lock in fear and near an end, Away and falling deep and hard, a look of sorrow from a fearful husband!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: This poem is very descriptive and straight forward to the spot!. I like the twist at the end, namely the last word, which change the whole previously made image ( of two wrestlers for example)!. The description was very precise, bringing the reader directly to the scene as one of the two characters ( husband or wife)!. The wording scheme here is a lot better than a previous (dark) poem of yours, which was about death and grave!.!. Well penned!Www@QuestionHome@Com I don't get it at all!. Who did what to whom!? A bit contrived to get the rhyming lines and too melodramatic for me!. Is it a murder a rape or a mercy killing!? Some punctuation would also give it more impact!.The tenses a bit mixed up as well!. "Eyes locked in fear and near an end" Sorry, it doesn't do anything for me at all!. Well, you did ask!.Www@QuestionHome@Com It's really good!. =] I wouldn't mind seeing more of your poems though it's (as I read it) about something cruel, it was descriptive and created an image!. A+ =DWww@QuestionHome@Com you know!.!. i know this sound like everyone else!.!. but i seeriously got a picture!.!. but i pictured more bruises :// very well done!. Www@QuestionHome@Com ok so he/she ****** her up then she/he ****** him up and since she/he struck back hes scared!. i like it alot of detail i like i like now check me out plz Www@QuestionHome@Com "a look of sorrow"Www@QuestionHome@Com really very niceWww@QuestionHome@Com a "Romeo & Juliet" ring to it!. sad, but real!.!.!.quite goodWww@QuestionHome@Com wow i wish i could write like youWww@QuestionHome@Com |