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Position:Home>Poetry> I have Written a Poem About Childhood, can you please read and critique it? I knQuestion: I have Written a Poem About Childhood, can you please read and critique it!? I know it's steryotypical!.!.!.!? It begins with them talking,
It ends in a fight Tires screech by Doors slam! shut very tight!. Hold the pillow close It's lonely inside Mommy left for the night And daddy is drinking again The screaming has stopped I'm still full of fright She still isn't back What'd I do wrong!? Can't I do anything right!? Tears roll down My delicate face It feels like forever:it's only one night But There's still more to come Beatings and BetrayalWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It's very good, but there are few parts to work on!. I actually like the part about doors shut very tight!. It really conveys a child's emotions locking up while house doors also slam!. The part where Mommy left for the night and Daddy is drinking again gives a good picture of what is happening in the home, but it needs to rhyme better!. Try to fix that part of it to rhyme!. I hope that this isn't happening to you!. If so, I am so very sorry!. Be strong and find someone to talk to at school about it!. Don't deal with this problem on your own!.Www@QuestionHome@Com i like the way you end it so brutally!. but there are a few kinks to work out, awkward rhyming and such!. keep working on it, i like itWww@QuestionHome@Com i like it right to the point, i grew up with a drunk!.the fighting,the crying it sounds trueWww@QuestionHome@Com good poemWww@QuestionHome@Com it's OKWww@QuestionHome@Com |