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Question: Help me revise my poem!?
I have a poetry portfolio due in my Poetry Workshop class!. It is worth 50% of my grade!. We are to go back and revise the poems we have written during the semester!.!.!. Here is the one I am working on now! Please tell me what you think and whether or not you believe I need to make further changes! Don't be afraid to leave negative comments!.!. those are important also! :)

Original


Kill the Bells

"Hear the sledges with the bells-
Silver Bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!
While the stars that oversprinkle
All the heavens, seem to twinkle
With a crystalline delight;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of Runic rhyme,
To the tintinnabulation that so musically wells
From the bells, bells, bells, bells,
Bells, bells, bells-
From the jingling and the tinkling of the bells!."

From The Bells by Edgar Allen Poe

I hear the tinkling of the bells,
the bells, bells, bells!.
Please stop the bells!.
They ring, ring, ring,
until my ears begin to bleed!.
Please, I ask, just make them stop,
the screeching, donging,
glooming bells!.
The bells of an ambulance siren
shrieking, shrieking through the silence
of the night!.
The alarm clock bells,
ringing, ringing to awaken
me from my sleep!.
The bells of a freight train
clanging, clanging, at three a!.m!.,
moaning, moaning!.
Mr!. Poe, may we please,
just
kill
the
bells!?

Revision

Kill the Bells

"What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!"

From The Bells by Edgar Allen Poe

I hear the tinkling of the bells,
the bells, bells, bells!.
Please
stop
the
bells!.

They ring, ring, ring
until my ears throb in excruciating pain!.
Please, I ask,
just
make
them
stop,
the screeching, donging,
glooming bells!.

The bells of a freight train
clanging, clanging, at three a!.m!.,
and me, moaning, moaning!.

The bells of a telephone,
shrieking, shrieking, delivering
news that should not be heard!.

And, the sinister bells of a cathedral,
chiming, chiming as a mother
mourns the death of her child!.

I hear the bells calling,
calling, calling!.

Mr!. Poe, may we please,
just
kill
the
bells!?
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Why we torture children in reading the bells is beyoind me!.

I am not a fan of poetry, but i do like your poem and wouldn;t change a thingWww@QuestionHome@Com