Please give me suggestions to help my poem flow more smoothly?

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Question:

My mom had just passed away, Saturday and I had been given the opportunity to offer my words in the service!. So I had just finished writing this for her!.

Should I keep the title!?
Can you find any ways to make it flow a little better!?
I'm concerned about the last line the most, "My hand, my mother from this day holds" !.!.!. for some reason, it doesn't sound right to me!.

I had always loved the "Footprints In The Sand" poem and wanted to make something along that same idea!. Something that gives that "omg" moment at the very end!. btw- my true emotions are displayed within this poem!.!.!.!. it's very heartfelt and true!.

A Mother, By Any Other Name

Friends have offered words of care
Heartfelt solace fill the air
Heavy laden thoughts abound
Yet, they know not the peace I've found

I've pondered recent sleepless nights
Am I so callous!? Full of spite!?
Why do I smile, instead of grieve!?
My heart is always on my sleeve

What is this strength I've come about;
This new found joy I have to doubt
The pride I feel within my soul
Perhaps repression taking toll!?

I felt this guilt at every turn
Inner struggles, they have churned
I believed my heart was in the wrong
And scorned myself for staying strong

Until one moment it came clear to me
This serenity has been a gift to me
With every anguish that life unfolds
My hand, my mother from this day holdsWww@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

That's an amazing poem!. It really shows your true feelings!.

The only thing I would change, if you're really worried about that last line, is to remove the comma there!. That simple change will give you the meaning and flow you're looking for!.

Instead of "My hand, my mother from this day holds" you'll have "My hand my mother from this day holds!."

-IMP ;) :) Www@QuestionHome@Com

your poem has so much meaning i wouldn't change it at all!.you had made me cry to read this poem for your mother!. she would be so proud!. sorry to hear your loss!. just remember she will always be there within you and your thoughts!. god bless!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and think you have done a wonderful job with your poem it is beautiful and honest and I am sure your mom would just be so very proud of you!. As for the technical side of things I reconstructed the last verse to help with the flow see what you think of it but please go with whatever is in your heart as that will be the most touching!.

Then in a moment the vail was lifted
And my heart could clearly see
Serenity surrounded her
And flowed right over me,

Quietly she whispers
Just to let me know
That every anguish I shall face
I will not be alone,

This gift were giving in a mother
It never leaves our side
With warmth and love and care and smother
she gives it all with pride!.!.!.

Once again I am sorry for your loss but remember your own words and you will have the strength you find in her!. God Bless xx xxx
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