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Question: Can you help me with my star poem!?
Shooting stars
a universe of Heart
might leave
Smaller circles traced
each time
around,
spiral down,
but never die!.



What is wrong with it!?
I want it to be free verse
but it doesn't sound very good when I read it aloud!.

Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
choose between around and sprial down, they dont really work together

but other than that it is pretty good!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You have quite a bit of the "S" sound already!. I think you should keep going with that!. If you want poems to flow, but still be free verse, try Alliteration or the use of the same sounding letter over and over!. You will probably want to tweek this, but here's what I came up with from your original poem!. I tried to find similar words, but with a "s" sound!.

How about this!.!.!.!.

Shooting Stars
a solar system of Spirits
might leave
smaller circles traced
each time
circumnavigating,
Spiraling down,
but never deceased!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Shooting stars
a universe with heart
wanting to leave
smaller circles
traced each time
around
and around
never fading away
let alone
die!.


haha what you think of that!?
hope it helps!.!.!.let me know!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

U sux!.!.!.!.!.-Simon Cowell

Just kiddin around! XDWww@QuestionHome@Com