Position:Home>Poetry> Can eyes ever speak to you ?
Question: Can eyes ever speak to you !?
no explanations offered,,, read into this what you will
Fatigue darkened eyes,
washed out
never ending pain!.
Her dreams ended,
innocence stolen
early in youth!.
Fears of rejection,
never loved
lost woman-child!.
Grew up fast,
longing daily
for someone nightly!.
See this woman,
simply starved
of hugs comfort!.
Wishing to grant,
her heart
shame had overpowered!.
Her soul hidden,
always shying
from prying eyes!.
In final repose,
peace blooms
upon her face!.
Green eyes silent,
far older
than their time!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
A- The following stanza :
"Her dreams ended,
innocence stolen
early in youth!."
Suggested the idea of child-abuse ( molesting or even incest)!.
B- You could 'v used some other stronger elements to demonstrate her internal misery, especially:
1- Feelings of lack of security, stability, and low self steam in herself!.
2- Feel!. of Lack of trust, credibility, etc of the others, due to (1-)!.
3- Feel!. of loneliness even when among others, due to non-belonging!.
4- Feel!. of degradation, due to being indebted to the fosters!.
5- Deprivation of (parental) affection!.!. you mentioned that!.
C- very good finish (closure) you got there!. and your voice was louder than hers!.!. demonstrates your sympathy with her!. I also recognized a noticeable change in form and style, for nicer and smoother flow!.
Nice read, indeed!
The above is an opinion of a poem reader, who is neither a poet nor an editor!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I think this is well done!. I like several lines especially!. "longing daily for someone nightly!." and "peace blooms on her face!." If it were mine I would spend some more time reading it out loud looking for the rough spots!. Stanza six, for instance doesn't seem to work right!. Taking out the comma would make the first two lines fit together but, still, the third line doesn't see to fit the others!. Stanza five could use some help, too, I think!. I would use "from" instead of "of" but it still seems a little bumpy!. I don't think of a suggestion right now but look at it and see what occurs to you!. I would think about whether it would work to switch positions of the last two stanzas in order to get "final repose" closer to the end!. S8 seems to me to carry the big emotional hit and for that reason might be best as the last thought you give the reader!. Again, I like this, well done and remember, all critique is opinion!. This is mine, Use it, lose it or give it to Goodwill!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
The eyes are a window into our inner self,, They speak volumes,,,This is a very dark & sad poem about Child Abuse / Molestation
Definitely not my favorite subject ,,,Unless you are asking for help and don't know how ,,,
Are you taking this poem any further !?!?
Are you asking for help!?!?
I'd say finish the poem
But do get the help that you need ,,,,if you do need any
Glad to know I was wrong about the Abuse / Molestation!.,,,Thanks for sharing!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sorry that she had to live that life without the knowledge of how to overcome!. Very effective! And touching!. of course!.!.!. eyes are the windows to the soulWww@QuestionHome@Com
Nice!.
As someone else said, "The Widows to the Soul"!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
To answer your question: Yes!.
Go watch role model to learn about the whispering eye!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh but no!.!.
I do think that I know this woman!.
You have written her well!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Poetry turns me onWww@QuestionHome@Com
its so0o crazy!.!.!.!.it describes me!.!.!.!.people may not see that as a good thing!.!.!.!.but you know it feels good to relateWww@QuestionHome@Com