Opinions of these Couplets, Please?

Question: Opinions of these Couplets, Please!?

i wrote these for my English class:

i step outside, and hear the rustling of leaves;
i stand so still, to feel the cool autumn breeze!.

i hold out my arms to feel the rain falling, faint!.
a feeling of peace wells up, with no restraint!.

i look up to the sky, to see the moon full and bright,
i cant help but be thankful for nights like tonight!.

honestly, what do you think!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:

The length of your lines help soften the rhymes so that the couplets don't come off "too rhymy"!. However, for the couplets to be more effective, a more consistant beat is needed!. For example, in the first couplet, the first line is fine, but the second line stumbles with "autumn", because it's missing a beat!. If you used "Autumnal" it would correct the beat error, but the word sounds a little stilted when compared with the rest of the couplet!. The second couplet's first line stumbles because it changes feet!.!.!.in other words, if you dropped the "i" (which should be a capital "I") it would start out "hold out my arms to feel the rain", which would have a consistant beat!.!.!.but starting it out with "i" which changes the direction!.!.!.if you want to keep the "i", you'd have to drop the "my" in order for it to work!.!.but in either case, "falling" causes the line to stumble again!. The first line of couplet three needs a "so" before "full" to correct its beats!. I think if you use this as a guide, your ear will show you where to go!.

I think the images you created are good ones, just be careful not to make your rhymes sound forced or contrived!. The rhyming words should sound so natural that they seem almost accidental, this is especially true with couplets!.

I think you're on a good track, use your ear, and keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I hear the rustling of the trees,
I feel the cool soft Autumn breeze!.

I feel the rain upon my face,
I stand at peace in this dear place!.

I see the moon so full and bright,
and I am grateful for this night!.

And as I stand upon this sod,
I offer up my thanks to God!.Www@QuestionHome@Com