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Question: What do people think of this poem!?
i dont want to know if you think its to long to read
Id appreciate to hear peoples opinions and id love to read other peoples poems to
I said I’d learn a song just for you
When I know every note
And can play the song through
Then again just for you
Sitting here in my room
I’ve gone away for a week
And can’t play my guitar
I’m controlled by thoughts of you
Struggle with my fingers
It’s hard to find the strings
The notes are right
But the feelings wrong
Sitting on the couch alone
I close my eyes and smell you here
Do you see the same night sky!?
I see it when I close my eyes
And cant play my guitar
I play with pens and thoughts
I miss you so much
This is just for you
I said I’d learn a song just for you
One day soon ill play it for you
Until that day
All I’ve got are thoughts for youWww@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You have a winner!. Edit some!. Don't use text language in poetry, but you've done a good job of avoiding that!.
Note: when a word requires an apostrophe, then be sure to put it in, and capitalize I!. I is a proper noun just like Jenny is!.
can't, I'll, etc!.
You've done a good job of telling me about your frustration because you don't have your guitar, and even shown to a degree!. Good work!.
I'm glad that you have avoided the bunker of rhyming; too many young poets fall into "it must rhyme" to be a poem!. That is like saying it must have a leather binding to be a book!.
Don't stop; next thing you know you'll be writing songs! tWww@QuestionHome@Com
Very heartfelt and what is more about it, even passed all the other critiques of any length- I think it is absolutely beautiful in its simplicity!. It really needs "no" lengthy critique!. Some people tend to over complicate the most beautiful and simple things in this life!. Thank you for sharing!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
well it sure has a deep meaning!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.though it does not rhyme much!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.u cud hav made it even interesting!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.but it's not bad at all!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
too longWww@QuestionHome@Com
its good but longWww@QuestionHome@Com
its good but long
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Strictly based on personal opinion, when studying literature, poems and all, as a student I look for literary devices, and among the many, my favorite is, quite naturally for any literature stranger, rhyme!. However, there is clearly no use of rhyme in the above poem, so let's leave that out!. Next up on the list would be irony or paradox, which is considerably fun to read, sarcasm being my best friend!. Then again, perhaps I'm blind, but there isn't the slightest trace of irony or paradox!.
So putting what I favor aside, let's see what you have used!.
Reptition is used to emphasive the longing, as the phrases 'just for you' and 'thoughts of you' have been repeated!. Such words emphasize on the intense feeling of fondness, if not attraction, for the object of the persona's affections!.
In the lines 'the notes are right, but the feelings are wrong', contrast is put into practice!. It allows the reader to feel the contradiction in the persona's life, adding a hint of insecurity to the poem!.
Throughout the poem, diction is used, as the persona's deep feelings are portrayed, there is a forlorn tone in the persona's voice, such as displayed in the lines 'Until that day All I've got are thoughts for you'!. It re-emphasizes the longing in the poem!.
Frankly there can be plenty if one bothers to take the time to read closely!. But the above, are the devices I have noted and considered important!. If you want to read one of my poems, go to: http://anime-obsessionz!.blogspot!.com!. (Ridiculous, yes I know) and search for a particular post: The Golden Apple!. It is among my best pieces!. Unfortunately, you might have to scroll through a couple of random entries!. Www@QuestionHome@Com