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Question: Whatr do u think of this!?
just something i did quickly at work last night, did enjoy it but if its pants wont bother so much!! thanx x

You are my life, my shinning star!.
You make me smile, the way you are!.
You shine so clear like a moonlit sky!.
I love you so much i think i could cry!.

You opened my heart to what i never knew
Now i know our love is true!.
The thought of my life without u in it,
would break my heart and i swear i mean it!

Life without you would be incomplete,
the way you laugh or even stamp your feet!.
The way you care and love so much!.
The way you respond to my every touch

I love you babe and words can never say,
how important you are in each and every-way!.
So please take my heart again and treat it with care,
as you are my life and to that i declare!.

Thank you x
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
From deep within a strong emotion,
like river raging to the ocean!.
How deep within, his love must be,
from heart to pen, your joy set free!.
And just to show how much you care,
You chose this place to bravely share! Www@QuestionHome@Com

it's okay 3 out of 5!. I wouldn't give up though with a little more thought i think you could write some good stuff!. I wouldn't suggest using the word babe though, it doesn't really fit the mood that you created!.
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it's nice!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.liked itWww@QuestionHome@Com

nice , 4!.5 out of 5 stars !.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sorry!.!.!.pants!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

great poem
thanks for letting me read itWww@QuestionHome@Com

your poem was BRILL i'd give it 4!.9 out of 5 because the second verse didn't rhyme much Www@QuestionHome@Com

Excellent talent! Editing is the first step to a great writer, and this poem is well worth editing!. If you can write this well "on the cuff", then you have a future in writing ahead of you!.

This is too good to get lazy!. "u" is a letter in the alphabet as is "i" -- you is the correct spelling, and I, you should know!. Don't let your text messaging slip into your poetry because you weaken your work!.

First stanza; find another word for shine in the 3rd line; they are too close together, and repetition can be distracting!.

Stanza two; try to rearrange or change one of the uses of "heart" for the same reason above!.

Third stanza (my favorite!) Line 3 (this would be notated S3L3 -- since you have just used the word "life" in the previous stanza, it would work better if you had a different word here!. Perhaps change S2 so that love is soul or S3!. In this stanza, the three uses of "The way you!.!.!." does not hurt the poem because it is redundant; still you could change S3 L3L4 so that they work together to again iterate the same words over and over!. But, I love this stanza; I love "stamp your feet" because this is personal, and that is what you want to do!. This is a real girl with quirks, reactions, phobias; so bring her to life by SHOWing the girl and that will express why!.

S4: When you use punctuation within a poem, then it should be proper grammar all the way through!.
"I love you{,} babe{, but} words can never say," (slight change)
This is an excellent couplet!.

The last couplet sounds as if you are not together {So please take my heart again and treat it with care,} which undoes much of what the poem has previously created!. tWww@QuestionHome@Com