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Question: Poem - feedback please!?
Hey guys, I'm undergoing the editing for this poem right now and I need another perspective!.!.!.so can I get a little feedback!? (the super long ellipses should be ignored, they're just supposed to be empty space but yahooanswers is lame and doesn't let me indent)



This Town

Michelle Leigh Martin

We traipse through the night,
swing our cups and bottles, sing
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. to the sky, dark sky!.
Moon and stars hide behind wolf-grey clouds!.
Howl to the empty nothing, to the sun
on the other side of the earth!.
We own this street,
this block, this town!.
It’s ours to careen down, bleed down,
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. down!.
Will we ever get out,
will we all get out
alive!?
Shapeless trees twitch in weary wind
as we walk on
the stars are gone outside, but some twinkle in our
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. eyes
as we walk on, talk on!.
Cell phones flash,
check the time!.
****, it’s past one,
Moms will kill us all!.
But we laugh it off and
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.dance the night away,
cold gravel on our bare feet,
throw rocks at stop signs and
run run run
out of sight!.
Kiss him under the deck
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.lat!.!.!. that night,
and the shouts, smiles,
smell of fresh grass and mud,
heat lightning fighting to be seen,
swim naked in cool chlorine water,
everyone has to get out and dive once
!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. matter their fear
of embarrassment!.
Because that’s the rule!.
Fall asleep on the porch swing
wrapped in his arms, surrounded by his scent!.
Wake up to the sunrise!.
The clouds are gone!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You must be far younger than the other poets I read on yahoo answers, a practice I'm stopping this instant!. But you have incredible potential!! Thank God!. I was just going to start drinking from all the bad "poetry" here!. The poem is a decent first draft with some very effective imagery and you took chances on it's form!. I liked that!. But that is just my opinion!. I'd like to give you a link!. Sign up for LEGITIMATE, EXCELLENT writers groups on line, and I'm positive I'll be buying your book one day!. There are plenty of fakes out there that just pat everyone on the back and do not challenge the writer!. Don't waste your time there, and don't give up if you get beat up on the good sites!. You'll need the thick skin and guidance! Keep writing!Www@QuestionHome@Com