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Position:Home>Poetry> So, lets here it, critiuqe on my poem please!?Question: So, lets here it, critiuqe on my poem please!!? My Poem entitled Like A Finger Print!.
My one and only love, Who caught my first stare From the moment I saw you I knew you'd always be there Never to be recreated, Your like a fingerprint So simple, yet complicated You make me who I am My true love Like a finger without a print, I wouldn't be who I amWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: I'm going to guess you're a fairly young guy and have spent more time writing poetry than reading it!. I strongly recommend you read some more because it'll help you be a little more creative with structure, meter, and rhyme!. Byron and Shelley were romantics like yourself, so you might do well to start there!. Alright then!. Let's tear this thing apart!. You start off with a simple ABCB rhyme, which reads well enough, though the meter is a bit uneven!. Your use of 'stare' is a bit strange, like you are more a stalker than a romantic!. also, regarding "always be there," where is there!? In your heart!? Standing somewhere!? This could be a good place to insert some colorful imagery!. Your rhyme then stumbles a bit, now DEDF, and the meter is completely broken!. You don't have to change your rhyme scheme, but you've got to fix the flow of it!. Suggested edit: "A unique creation, you're like a fingerprint; a simple complication!.!.!." The poem could stop at eight lines, but if you're planning on sharing this with the object of you affections, go ahead and add "my true love," or better yet, something a bit more creative!. Give it a shot!. The last two lines are redundant and strange!. Junk 'em!. All in all, its a nice romantic effort; a bit codependent, but that's young love!. Thanks for sharing and best of luck to you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I like your simile as it gets extended throughout the poem!. You might try researching fingerprints a bit more and include something about how the whorls, loops, and arches reflect your feelings as well about this person--as an extended simile or metaphor!. I have also heard that even though fingerprints are unique, somewhere past 6 million sets of them, there is someone who will have fingerprints identical to someone else!. It reminds me of the phrase, "You're one in a million," only technically it would be, "You're one in six million!." That's even better, ha ha!. (P!.S!. Please note that "You're" means "You are!." So you need to fix the line "Your like a fingerprint" and say "You're like a fingerprint!.")Www@QuestionHome@Com Needs major work!. You want me to write it for you as well!? I was trying to spare your feelings, but as you want the unvarnished truth!.!.!.!. First of all, you misspelled "critique", which isn't a good sign for someone who wants to use words!. The poem is feeble and uninspired and repetitive!. You've written "your" instead of "you're" and you "rhyme" words with the same words, when it rhymes at all!. The second half has a different construction to it as if you've lost your way, and considering it's only 11 lines long you've managed to ruin something that should have been relatively simple to do for even a 12 year-old with a crayon!. Start again, but think about what you want to say first, instead of making it up as you go along!. Helpful enough for you!?Www@QuestionHome@Com |