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Question: Looking For Someone Who's a Good Critic For The Emerald Dragon!?
The Emerald Dragon
??
The emerald dragon pulls a covered wagon,?? ???
across the sagging swamp!.?
Among the reeds and willow trees,?? ???
he staggers, sweeps and stomps!.!.!.?
O, Mary, Mary, sweet and scary,?? ???
meet me there beneath the moon!.?
By the estuary, we’ll meet sweet Mary, ?? ???
to steal the dragon’s boon!.?
Deep within the night, such a horrid sight,?? ???
we’re bound to see him soon!.?
Hold me dear and tight, as we prepare to fight,?? ???
that ghastly, greedy, goon…?
Such a vulgar beast, he feeds and feasts,?? ???
upon the flesh of loved-one’s lost!.?
We travel from the East, for he expects it least,?? ???
surprise shall pay the penance cost!.?
Soft and slow, we creep, to where the dragon sleeps;?? ???
doused in dreams he’s torn and tossed!.?
My heart begins to leap, as we enter the deep,?? ???
to fight the dragon to exhaust…?
As we approach his lair, shrewd sulfur fills the air,?? ???
and the ground beneath us shakes!.?
We sing a quiet prayer, as flames around us flare,?? ???
and the emerald dragon wakes!?
Its massive talons spear, the ground it slept on shears,?? ???
and shudders with a quake!.?
We rise to face our fears, wipe all our burning tears,?? ???
and charge to plant our final stake…?
I take a faithful chance, and with a leaping prance,?? ???
I pounced upon his tail!.?
I then take steady stance, and with my trusty lance,?? ???
stabbed through the dragon’s scales!.?
At that sweet Mary bows, and with her swift arrows,?? ??
?she pierced the dragon’s mail!.?
And as the dragon slows, his blood of emerald flows,?? ??
and he whines his final wails…?
The dragon shifts and stirs, his blackened vision blurs,?? ???
as I rise to end the deed!.?
The ground digs in my spurs, as I pierce his fur,?? ???
and leave him there, stripped bear, to bleed!.!.!.!.!.?
Open wide the chests, end this quixotic quest,?? ???
in love and land we’re bound to lead!.?
We poke, we joke, we jest, we passed this lover’s test,?? ???
we have strong minds and hearts, indeed…Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
There is poetry meant for fairy tales, and yours is one of them!. Quite a work, would make as lovely story book for children (despite some of the adult words), needs some wild and wonderful illustrations to go with your wild and wonderful descriptions!.
The poem stands well as it is!. In the fantasy land of dragons, Giants made of ice or rock can stride the earth, mermaids half-human half-fish can swim and sing, fairies made of light can create mischief!. There is no end to the imagination!. Of course the real world also has 'magical' creatures that seem to defy reason: Bats that fly having skin and fur but not feathers, that see using sound!. Armadillos and tortoises that carry heavy armour like rock (or 'emeralds') on their backs, yet they can move!. Bower birds, and others, that would steal your rings and other glittery things and hide the treasure in their nest!. The praying mantis insect is definitely a dragon to its victims (a lovely colour green)!.
The ancient dinosaurs, dragons if ever there were such, once strode the earth in reality!. Their modern ancestors, the birds, still retain the same foot structure as (some of) the dinosaurs, retain the scales, as well as the soft down that is their 'fur'!.
With modern science we have already, by genetic manipulation made composite animals (E!.G!. mice with human ear on back, pigs that glow fluorescent green in the dark etc)!.
In fairyland it is quite acceptable to give life and emotions to the inanimate!. 'Shrewd sulphur' has quite a pungent punch, why change it into something more reasonable and ordinary, when your poem is not 'ordinary', its subject matter a knight's quest that flows so beautifully!? A child can imagine objects to have feelings, that a rock that is kicked might hurt and, if it could talk it may complain loudly!. Fairytales, indeed poetry itself, helps to teach the human race to be more human and compassionate by expanding the minds and the feelings of readers!. Not all dragons are dinosaurs, some are critics!. A mighty sword is a pen!.
No matter what the personal meaning of the poem is, it still stands alone as an enjoyable work as a fairytale, well worth the time you took to compose it!. I for one, enjoyed it very much!. Children would love it and you could use the poem to teach them the meaning of the 'bigger' words, to expand their vocabulary!. What bright child would not expect there to be mysteries and secrets in words in a fairy tale: "What does 'estuary' mean!?" and you could answer and enjoy lighting up a new world and language for them!. There are 'emeralds' in the real world worth the effort of seeking, some of them are discovered in the mystery of new and bigger words!. Your poem ,as is, is a treasure!.
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I'm a critic looking for a good poem to critique!.!.!.this isn't it!. Dragons don't have fur and you don't seem to know what "boon" means, One or two hopeful bits in it, but needs major revision!. Don't just choose a word because it rhymes with another, think about what you actually want to say first!.
You prove my point!. Just because you know what you're trying to say doesn't mean you've succeeded!. The word "emerald" is often used to signify the colour green, so it reads as if you're merely "poetically" describing the colour of the creature, not meaning it literally!. And I ask you!.!.!."shrewd sulfur"!?
Hinting isn't good enough unless it is your deliberate intention to be vague or ambiguous!. The word boon, usually used in an archaic sense in poetry, means favour or request!. Its other meanings are something useful, helpful or beneficial; a blessing or benefit!. Treasure certainly can be a benefit, but your use of the word is contorted beyond the practical!. If you mean emerald to be taken literally, you have to be consistent!. A literal emerald dragon would not be able to move!. If you mean the scales are emerald (not the colour but the stone) or are encrusted or embedded with emeralds then say that from the beginning!. You have to establish your points of reference from the beginning if you are veering away from normal useage in your terms of expression!. I could go on and on, but someone will report us for chatting even though we're specifically examining details pertaining to your original question!. "As we creep up to his lair, a smell of sulphur fills the air"!. Or "sulphur fully fills the air"!. English!? No, I'm from Transylvania!.
Of course it's pertinent!.!.!.don't be obtuse!. You are expecting the reader to assume something opposite to what your words would suggest!. You say emerald dragon, but this is a poem!.!.!.most readers will assume that you mean a green-hued dragon, not one made literally from emeralds!. Like, they're so common in dragon mythology, right!? You need to establish this from the beginning because it is pertinent to understanding the motivation of why the main protagonist is slaying him - for "financial" benefit, not because it's his hobby!. You are trying too hard to justify the deficiences in your poem by inventing reasons for them after the fact!. Has the dragon stolen the covered waggon!? Is it his!? You need to tell the story properly, not an abridged version which merely gives you an excuse to rhyme some words together!. Yes, I've got a bucketload of poetry credentials!. There are others who will disagree with me merely because of my name!. If you want to have your ears tickled by them telling you how talented you are, you will listen to them!. If you want to improve and write a good poem, you will pay heed to me!.Www@QuestionHome@Com