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Question: Do you like these poems!?
Number 1:
Rain pouring down on the windshield!.
Everything's a blur!.
I look out the window, all I see are orange streetlights!.
Splash!
We race past the traffic lights in time for a meeting!.
Squeak!
A wet hallway floor!.
I am relieved to take a seat to dry myself!.
"Hi! You must be Ivan!. I'm Ms!. Tookey!. Welcome to the IB program!."
Number 2:
Something is approaching!.
Clink! Clank! Clunk!
I attempt to stand where the doors open!.
A rush of warm air overcomes me as I look for a seat!.
Every time the doors open again I am closer to home!.
Looking down at the city gives me an illusion of power!.
"This is Halsted!. This is an Orange Line train to Midway!."
A rush of cold air overcomes me!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The length and content of these two poems, makes me believe they would serve better as haiku!. The traditional japanese haiku has three lines with a certain number of syllables!. The first and last line have five, the center one has seven!. The challenge and purpose of a haiku is to say a lot in a small package!. hope I helped!. The second one, has fantastic imagery, keep it up!.
http://strongsoulutions!.wordpress!.com/Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well, I personally think you could add more meaning, from what it sounds like it seems as if you're about to go to school!? I can't tell, but in the second poem, you might want to take out the second 'overcome'!. Maybe, "washes over me!." or just something simple!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No!.!.!.sorry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I love the second one!. The first one!.!.!.not so much >!.< Www@QuestionHome@Com
sounds more like narratives Www@QuestionHome@Com
first s'okay
second i love!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com