Position:Home>Poetry> Please consider this poem?
Question: Please consider this poem!?
As staccato still frames meet my mind,
I reminisce with strobe-sight, flashing!.
Flesh is runed with scars of scenes unkind
Which coalesce like high tide crashing
Against conditional defenses,
Condensing past and future tenses
Into one wicked wisdom, heightened
By senses pricked and psyche savaged!.
These memories now leave me frightened,
The fabric of the future ravaged!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
You are a genius with imagery!.
The strobe-sight flashing--instantaneous memories appearing and disappearing in blinding flashes of light is stunning in its impact!. The other thing you do so superbly is use language appropriate to the theme!. This is such a relief!. I have read several thousand poems in the past six months!. Yours are in the top percentile!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think that some of your imagery is very unusual and creative!. But what is the metaphor of the poem!? I don't think that the "high tide' imagery goes with the other imagery in the poem!. I like the sound/light imagery!. Stick to that and replace the "high tide" with some other culmination of all of these "memories"!. I really like "Staccato still frames" I am a pianist so I know exactly what you mean!Www@QuestionHome@Com
The meaning of this poem has been completely lost to words that are too large and misused!. There is no flow, I have no idea what you're writing about--something about memories fading, maybe!? It comes off as if you don't even know what you're writing about!.
Words, sentences can be simple and easy to understand while still being extremely effective!. You just have to choose your words more carefully!. Writing is an art!
Read some Emily Dickinson for examples of spectacular writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
to me it ok i think your trying a little to hard but its rather good compared some other people!. I think you just need to work where people want to keep on reading your poem, your poem is kind of confusing but that's ok you will learn how to fix it, oh and good luck if your trying to write poems!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think its very good Amy!.
it allows open possibilities and
deeper meanings to unfold!.
the effective moment of any flashing
story to the matter of the moment is very real!.
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your words paint a true picture!. I can see the still frames popping up with staccato-like frequency!. I like the word play on strobe-sight!. It underlines the use of the word staccato!. Good write!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Is your poem about a woman who is troubled with flash-backs of a horrific past that has became inter-mingled with her present existence destroying her future and soul!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
What!!? Don't even understand such gobblygook!.
You need to use a dictionary or spell check too!.
Just as a clue!.!.!.you cannot have staccato still frames!.
Look up the word staccato in relation to still!.
UGH!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nice piece, never thought of high crashing tides coalescing before!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Forward we go,
tainted from where we have been
The genius of the infant eye,
truly crystalline in purityWww@QuestionHome@Com
i like it :]
impressive vocabulary!?Www@QuestionHome@Com
Nice poem!!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I consider it wonderful!. You do have a magic pen!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Strange!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com