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Question: Have I succeeded to get out of a poetic phrasing of words and more into a prose narrative voice!?
Parts one and two, if you are so inclined!.
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.

The Middle Begins (Part Three)

The doors remained closed for nearly two years, until a phone call opened them!. It was Dad's voice, but strangely, I saw only his eyes!. He said would I please come home, they were expecting the son of a family friend to arrive shortly and they didn't know what to do with him!. His family had been our neighbors, military, of course, from years before!. They were a fine, upstanding family, he being one of their two twins who graduated from the United States Naval Academy, and had just finished two tours in Nam!. "Please, come home, we have to show him a good time!."

It was in May!. We sat in cool backyard family pool, both he and I!. I 21, he 26!. He told me I was the first girl he had seen since returning from the war!. It was a May to December romance, no internet back in '71!. He courted me by phone and letters, he attending Purdue University for his master's degree (gratis free from the Navy) and me finishing my undergrad work at Arizona State University (gratis only by me)!. After that initial meeting, we shared only two weeks face to face, one week in August when he proposed at Sky Harbor Airport and one week before the wedding!.

His proposal words!? Standing at gate number 7, his lucky number, he said, he spoke these words to me, "If you marry me, we'll spend much time saying hello and goodbye at airports like this, but if you don't mind, I'd like you in my life!."

What did he see in me!? He was tired of the death he still carried from the war and wanted to get on with his life!. What did I see in him!? Someone who seemed to want these damaged goods that I was!. I, too, was tired of feeling the death I carried from my own private war and wanted to get out of dodge!. The ticket he offered, I gladly accepted and couldn't wait for my flight out of hell!.

I discovered his emotions were paralized from the very beginning!. Anything felt at all lead to his River Patrol nightmares!. So rather than reexperience them, he just shut down feeling anything!. At all!. No joy, no pain, no peace, no stress!. Just a zombie who lived to perform honorably in his beloved his career!. I foolishly thought time would heal, that this was just a short term cure!. But after 25 years of being married and alone, I realized it was his lifetime code!.

And like my mother, I stayed for the kids!. Like her, my children heard my nightly cries in bed!. Like her, I tried to end my pain thrice!. Like her, I eventually walked away!. Not into a lover's arms, just away!. Away to be alone, but never to be lonely again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Overall very insightful and poignant, but it needs to be reworked a bit!.
I think "two twins" and "gratis free" (1st and 2nd paragraphs) are redundant!. The word "paralyzed" (2nd to last paragraph) is misspelled!. "Dodge" should be capitalized, as "get out of Dodge" is a reference to Dodge City rather than evasion (I also think it's a bit stilted)!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

Powerful, revealing and yet, refreshing that in the end you took the steps to go forward!. Your courage carries you well as do your words you pen!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

History repeats itself!. waiting for the next episode!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

"nice, very nice"Www@QuestionHome@Com

I've starred this!. I can only hope that will convey what I fail to find in words!. I find courage in both you and in your writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Unfortunately, I know his plight as well as yours!. For over 20 years I had those nightmares!. I would not talk of the times I saw!. The only emotion I had was anger!. I could not write a love poem, although I did continue to write angry poems, and poems that showed no emotions at all!. It was a wasted time in my life!. One day, I wrote a poem about the war, and let my emotions flow into it!. I now have very few nightmares, and have learned to write love poems again!. It is sad that his focus couldn't be changed!. It is also sad that I didn't meet you when I was in Arizona way back then!. I spent a lot of time in Tucson, chasing skirts!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

There is nothing wrong with your voice!.
As far as I am concerned, there never has been!.
Think of some of the letters you have written to a damaged heart!.!.
You see, there is nothing wrong with your voice!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

You are doing very well, part III is equally gripping

career for you lack there of for me!.!. I only made it 20 years!.!.!.in this chapter, story line not at all paralell except for the stalemate of emotions!.
I wish also that I had walked straight away, but then the last 5-6 years would have made me different than I am so I dare say I have grown and gotten better at many things in spite of my choices!.
I simply do NOT want to be "alone with myself!.!. "Www@QuestionHome@Com

pain comes in all forms!. thanks for this bit of reading!. arms reaching to give you a hugWww@QuestionHome@Com