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Question: Poem!.!.!.not perfect!.!.!.but what you think!?
Hours slide and I'm kissing your eyes goodbye!.
I hope that when you wake up you will be inside,
Of the gates you felt were right when you were young,
Just keep talking to me I love the sound of your tongue

A breathe of fresh air filled both of my lungs,
Now I'm singing the song at your funeral!.
And a friend of mine offered his shoulder for me to cry on,
I just smiled and said 'Mate his never gone'

My mother wore black on that day,
The first time I saw her eyes melt away
Into the rain that filled the sky,
I'm still whispering to you, 'goodnight'

My father called up to say he was sorry,
But he couldn't be bothered to fly back home!.
I hope that he rots and then I can see,
If he really does have a heart!.

Nothings perfect and I am here to show you,
Life is a mess but you've got to go through!.
Smile with me as we both sing a song,
If we're lucky maybe we can both drink along!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
The best is only for the fools who want to undo themselves!. So always be you and let it come from your heart!. I can feel the pain, just as I can feel my son's hand reaching from the grave, and not a thing can I do, but reach for the bottle, and scream out your name, and that is why your brothers to be, and that is why your brothers will call out my name, for losing you I lost myself, to shed not a tear, or scream out in vain, I lost the love that could never be mine, and from that day on, I've roamed and roamed, never to settle down, for losing you again, it would
be the end!. And that is why my soul reaches out to the crying sound of youth, and that is why your poems, reach out, to me like a thief in the night, to shake me once again, for the one I lost, had taken a part of my heart I'll never see again!. So my friend keep writing from your heart, and never stop to wonder why!. For somewhere inside the secret
will lie, to set you free from your torment and pain, for the road you and
he travelled on is still there for your song's and words to be sung!.
Take Care my friend, I lost my first son, and still today, I carry the tune of his sadness in my heart!.
Take Care
Dave!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very, very decent!. Especially for something just written with no revision!. And it's probably really good venting, I imagine!.

I thought it was beautiful, but it was a little forced in some areas as someone already said!. But with a little work this could be a great poem!.

: ) I think my favorite part was "I love the sound of your tongue!."Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's good for something just written!. There are a few things that don't fit but there are plenty of things that do!. Nice job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well I think it's good it just sound a little forced you need to let the words just flow not force them!. Hope this Helps!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Sorry, doesn't quite make the grade!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

For something just wrote, it's good!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

pretty good, too many weak points thoWww@QuestionHome@Com

It's good, but I thought I'd help you fix it up a little (for future reference)!.!.
I'm not meaning to offend you, I just like to make things better!.

I kiss your eyes goodbye and the hours will slide!.
I hope when you awake, you will be inside!.!.!.
Of the gates you felt, when you were young!.
keep talking to me, I love the sound of your tongue!.

A breath of fresh air, filled both of my lungs!.!.
I'm at your funeral, and I sing this song!.
A friend of mine offered his shoulder to cry on,
I just smiled and said 'Mate his never gone'

My mother wore black on that day,
the first time I saw her eyes melt away!.
Into the rain that filled the sky,
I still whisper to you, 'goodnight'

My father called up to say he was sorry,
He couldn't be bothered to fly back home!.
I hope that he rots and then I can see,
If he really does have a heart!.

Nothings perfect and I'm here to show you,
Life is a mess, but you've got to pull through!.
Smile with me as I'm singing this song,
And if I'm lucky, maybe you'll sing along!.

Hope this helped =)

Www@QuestionHome@Com