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Question: Will you critique my poem!? pretty pretty please =)!?
I cry a million tears,
You promised to wipe them away!.
I cry silent tears,
Which I thought you would be able to hear one day!.

I am the eyes to your soul!.!.your everlasting diary,
All of your thoughts are written within!.
Next time you open me up,
I beg you not to use a knife, but a pen!.

I thought you would be able to hear the aching of my heart!.
It bleeds night and day!.
It bleeds as it realises…!. that you have gone astray!.

This aching, bleeding, weeping heart,
Doesn’t want to see yours hurt!.
This aching, bleeding, weeping heart,
Cant bear to see yours hurt!.

So I cry my silent tear,
I put on a smile just for you!.
My trembling smile is difficult to maintain,
Something I know you will never see through!.

I gain happiness from seeing you smile,
You are my beautiful light within!.
I understand that you can’t read me,
So I gradually will allow myself to go dim!.

The farther you will get
The darker it will be,
Even though this time will be thunderous,
I will eventually be as calm as the sea!.

…As calm as I can be;
…With the pain lying beneath me!.

One day hoping, you will be apart of me!.


I just wrote this now and
I just want suggestions on how
I can improve my writing!.

Thank Yoooooouuuuuu =)=)=)Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Beautiful ?

=]Www@QuestionHome@Com

Next time you open me up,
I beg you not to use a knife, but a pen!.
i LOVE this line!

…As calm as I can be;
…With the pain lying beneath me!.

One day hoping, you will be apart of me

the me's in line 2 and 3 of this part of your poem is a little repetitive!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

this is pretty good, not stuff i usually read, but it is really really good =]

haha i can't believe you heard something like my poem in a rap!? thats weird cause i dont even listen to rap!.lol

but good poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Very good

It could almost be a song!Www@QuestionHome@Com

i read it on a hurry , sis , but i lovvve it!.!.

so beautiful!.!.
i will read it soon carefully & give u my points isa!.!.

always love & peace from islam!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

very lovely!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

ABC Perfect!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

really niceWww@QuestionHome@Com

i think its really good, i think its better then mine!.Www@QuestionHome@Com