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Question: Reposting: pleeeeeeeeease read =)))!?
I poested this earlier but only one answer =(
Here it is again!.!.!.
I wrote this, with inspiration from the following picture:
http://i5!.photobucket!.com/albums/y154/jf!.!.!.Is this home!? Is this where I am meant to be!? A lonely place where I actually feel at ease!. A place where the screeching wind is silence, where the bitter cold air makes me feel warm inside, a place where!.!.!.a place of horrific beauty!.
I look around wide eyed, wanting to step forward, I want to embrace what this world has to show me, I ultimately want to be free, yet something is holding me back, a part of me I necessitate to let go of, but what will my identity be if I do let go!.!.!.Will I still be me!?!.!.!.
I unwillingly pick up the courage and take two steps, leaving imprints on the world, two more steps and!.!.and I start crying, I feel pain, the throbbing pain in my heart bleeding through my body, taking over me!.!.!.I collapse!.!.!.
While I sit on the cushioned snow pick up a ball of cold flakes, I let it melt through my fingers, I look up to the pure white sky, I smile, I breathe heavily, my heart beats exploding within, frosty tears roll down my face, I smile once more, I know…I know this is home!.!.!.time for me to embrace it and explore!.
You can add ur own parts if you like!.!.!.
and please comment on mine!.
=)=)=)
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this is great!.!.!.!.!. umm is it a story or a poem!?!?!? i know poems are sometimes long, but maybe if you added a little more it could be like a personal narritive!. but it is really good!!! ohh you can try writing a different poem with that same picture and see how they compare!.
Good luck! oh, and remember, write with your heart not your mind!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Cripes, I get tired of this same scenario!. This is not a poem!. This is prose!. If you want to write poetry learn at least the basics; rhythm, rhyme, meter, phrasing, etc!. This is barely even prose, connect the dots and make it a paragraph at least!. However heartfelt your lament, it is only that until you give it some structure!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
The picture isn't what I would have expected (I read the poem first)!. the poem seems to speak more about finding a place in this world and learning to make your mark!. The poem is still great, though!. I like it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I agree with the first answerer about writing with heart and not with mind if you are not taking it like a profession more than expressing your emotions and inspirations!.
I am not sure what way you want answers from!.!.!.like I can't say much about what kind of words or sentences you could have used but I think you are asking about how much the picture matches with the thing you have written!.
I think you feel comfort in loneliness!. But the bridge doesn't seem like a place to feel like home or kind of home comfort!. Its like always calling and making us walk on it and always to cross it!.
You might be like thinking of achieving a goal that you have set when you are having arguing the urge and dare to take the way!. But you know you'll take the way and after all you know you are in comfort, though after you had to suffer!.
You are like a race runner who is at the end of race having difficulty breathing but happy that, has won and shows that with a weak smile!.
First you talk about comfort and ease in being lonely and at last when menssioned Home, I think it as home with family!.
Of course you won't be happy when at success but alone!.'
And I don't think any one can edit something on this good enough to fit in it!. Thats because you wrote it with your mind!.!.!.that none has the same of!. Any one could write better but never like yours!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I looked at the picture, then read your poem!.!.!.it starts out fine!. I think the concept is good, but you have a few phrases that go in two directions at once!.!.!.for example, "a lonely place!.!.!.feel at ease"!. Is it a lonely place, or a peaceful place!? You'd normally think of a place that puts you at ease as being something other than "lonely", which is a negative emotion!. "Lonely" is not the same as "being alone"!.!.!.it is the "unwanted" feeling of "being alone"!. You come very close to good images in some of your phrases, such as "screeching wind!.!.!.silence", but they too are antithetical!. If you said, "A place where silence is filled with the screeching wind" or "A place where the screeching wind is all I find of silence"!.!.!.something along those lines!. "Horrific beauty" is an interesting word pair!.!.!.I like it!. The rest of the poem seems less to do with "being home" than finding one's place in the world, but you do come back to it at the end!. Phrases like "unwillingly pick up the courage" work against you, though!. You might try, "Unwillingly, I somehow find the courage"!. Last stanza, "cushioned snow"!.!.!.put a comma after that pair of words, followed by "I pick up!.!.!."
It may be more of a narrative poem, but you can still make it a poem with your descriptions by making them similes and metaphors!. It has a good voice, even if a bit wandering!.!.!.keep writing!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
