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Question: What do you think of this poem!?--Please Be honest!.!?
Loneliness
Loneliness is something you can't think of,
Even when you're above,
It's like your only friend,
When it's not like townsend,
because i can't feel,
my heart's going to reel,
when i see,
loneliness comes to plea,
doubting its fee,
'cause i feel like,
i can't just hop on my bike,
because we can't run,
loneliness has always wun,
but is there anyway,
just some anyday,
that i'd like to flee,
from loneliness's plea,
and its tireless fees,
although i eat my peas,
i can't escape loneliness,
even when in all fulfillness,
I just want to run some day,
from loneliness's tiresome suns,
Someday, i want to be free,
free from this tea,
and I'm finally freed,
perhaps i'd not be loneliness's feed!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ok, I will let you know my honest thoughts about this poem although, I'm certainly no expert!. I can say the format seems fine!.!.!.!.there's a very "matter of fact" approach to the tone which is probably why you kind of lose the reader at some point!. It seems like a good poem but really it doesn't draw the reader in because it doesn't make us think or feel about something!.!.!.but I tried to stick with it to offer you constructive criticism so that you can improve it (which I'm certain you can)!. I think it's a quirky poem as in, it is intended for humour, which I liked!. Like : "and it's tireless fees, although i eat my peas"
And I also like "Someday I want to be free, free from this tea"

Good Day :)

!.!.!.!.And yes, the humour seems very English to me!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Any poem that closes with a line like "perhaps I'd not be loneliness's feed" will win less than critical acclaim!. This simply does not speak to me at all, and I've read tens of thousands of poems and written thousands!. I know my craft, and yet this is not the one that I know!. You have some studying, revising, yes work to do!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Honestly, I've had a few of these myself and I had to fix them!. The run-on rhymes make me dizzy and I learned from my own mistakes when I read my own beginner poems!. I tell you this because I did the same thing you did when I first started writing poetry but I learned fast how to write a decent poem!. Some of what you have written doesn't even make sense!. You put down words that rhymed or in some places didn't rhyme and it looks like a splatter painting--I also paint in oils!. Read other published poet's poetry and learn how to write a poem if you love to write!. but please do learn!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Loneliness has always 'wun'!?!? LMAO!.

The lonely poet who forgot his english spelling classes!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Well, if I honestly said what I thought, although my assessment would certainly do it justice, I rather think that your poem requires mercy!.!.!.so I'll refrain from comment!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I love any kind of poetry!. But I am so sorry to say I did not enjoy yours at all!. Try again!.Www@QuestionHome@Com