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Question: Second page !.!. quickly penned - Scrap or Edit!?
The year 1981
Last day of July
Sweet girl child came
One raspberry mole on neck
Blushes deeply when anger flares
Lungs strong, earthy and thunderous
Bright blue eyes
Blue as cerulean skies
Innocent as fresh morning dew
Follow movement in unfocused fashion
Eyelashes black and fine as silken thread
Resting in cradle gently closed in repose
Tiny fingers curl
Around mine so softly
I cannot leave her briefly
My obsession is her every need
No one could take her from me
My purpose my future my love my seed
Rose bud lips
Cute nubbin of nose
With her addition my life
Moved forward, established new dimension
More of my time was spent on Protection, deflection, reflection
The future unwritten
I clearly was smitten
By the child I held now in my arms
I vowed always protect her from harm
Without a clue what the future stored
The years would play out unlike I had dreamed
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
We wander along wondering when it will all matter!. Then one day!.!.
We know!.!.!.!.
Beautiful!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
We do what we should do, on the grounds of hope!. We build our house, hoping that no storm or hurricane 'd damage it!. Without hope we live in fear, and I can't live in fear!.!. Contented with what I have, longing for the better, until the door bell rings, calling for the inevitable!.
As for the verse, I'm second to Intrusivosit!Www@QuestionHome@Com
We love our child, do the best we can!. We hold them in our arms!. No matter what we do other factors come into a child's life!. When they leave our arms we cannot protect them from harm or life's influences!. We cannot be responsible anymore!. I think this is one of your most beautiful poems!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This should definitely be published, madam! Outstanding protrayal of your little baby girl and the following years!. Magnificent canvas of images and truth here!.!.!.every Mother should read this!.!.!.in fact, everyone should read this!
100 stars!Www@QuestionHome@Com
this poem is clearly a keeper,,, a small bit of editing in the final stanza may be an option you can explore,,,
all in all a fine expressionWww@QuestionHome@Com
Keep it!.
What you wrote is what you meant, which is just how it should be for You and your daughter!.
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Edit - this has a lovely flow to it!. Some of the descriptive is awkward, but that's why I say Edit not Scrap!
You conjure some delightful imagery and really drew me in!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Revise the poem!.!.!. for starters!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
(Hey, you're not who you was yesterday!.)
This is definitely a keeper; you can never go wrong writing about them awesome little creatures!. So, my answer would be to edit, since that's the only choice left!. For example, you could put some commas in the last line third stanza--that stuck out uncomfortably for me!. As far as the over all structure goes !. !. !. I don't know; for some reason it works for me, the way it goes in and out of rhyme!. Like in the last stanza, the rhythm felt good and there's enough rhyme to set you up for the last line's rhyme, but no; it just ends with a major enjambment letting the reader drift off into that area of white space to totally reflect "unlike I had dreamed"!. Maybe put an aposiopesis in front off that to really set it up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com