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Question: Opinions on these lyrics/ poem!?
Im 14, and this writing describes my father!.

He carries a vagueness through all of his words
As he leads me into his field
And I look through his eyes
To the root of his lies
In this room where beauty was born

So the natives all gasped when I took one more clasp
At the thoughts that I sent to the moon
While he just laid back
On the hot burning wax
That he melted to cool my perfume

And if god is a savior then where is the shore
that washed the fear from my eyes
Now my body is numb
From his long toting gun
Poking holes through the doors in my mind

He lights up a fire where he keeps his best squire
As he makes her dance to his tune
And from under his thumb
Comes a newly born nun
That he molded from his purest days

And I run to the door that’s been battered and fraught
By the hands of a badly drawn man
I still open the lock
But know he has the key
To a mind that’s been formed in a ruin

I look to the man who’s so suddenly bare
Of the moral that he held too tight
And I cover my bruises
In a sheet of old movies
That my thoughts still play to the night


Thanks :)



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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
It follows no rules and that is good!. I would bang my head against a wall before I could figure out what it all meant, but I really like that it is different, rhythmic and doesn't categorically rhyme when it should!. Good job!. Writing is a huge form of therapy at any age!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

holy mother- that is one of the best poems i've ever read! i can't believe you're only 14- do something with that amazing talent of yours!. the imagery and flow and the deepness in each word- just really great!Www@QuestionHome@Com

You tried too hard, I feel the teenage angst, but I feel it could be better!. Let it flow easily next time!.

PS- You are quite talented!Www@QuestionHome@Com

I feel you have done great job!.
It had a good flow !. Www@QuestionHome@Com

poem is rhyming but the thought is different from what a father should beWww@QuestionHome@Com