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Question: A poem about time!. Please critique!.!?
Losing Track with Time
My body has new curves - a gift from Time!.
I miss the old ones!.
Time brings new sensations - sharp demanding ones!.
"Attention!" they insist!.
Time is giving me a libido that is stretched out like a Jim Carey face!.
Membranes taut, on the cusp between pleasure and pain!.
Go there at your own risk!.
Relentless gravity, in cahoots with time, makes loosely sculpted jowls and etches sadness!.
My best smile can't completely lift my face!.
Is this the beginning of the downward spiral!? Pull on the brakes hard, like some Bugs Bunny cartoon!
Alice slipping, sliding, spinning down the dizzying rabbit hole!.
Each moment closer to exit stage right!. Where's that bunny now!?
Disappeared!.
No time to say "Good-bye!"
Hello! I'm late!.
Is the funeral over!?
[a friend of mine wrote this, wanted to know if it qualified for poem status]Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Ah life's midnight oil; burn on, burn on!.
Prosey but poetical!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
Everyone's worried about getting old but that's the least of my worries
I don't critique I will tell you how I feel when I read it and I feel curvyWww@QuestionHome@Com
Pretty good,original,different!.
It certainly qualifies!.
Tell you friend to let us read some more!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your friend has excellent visionWww@QuestionHome@Com
I especially like the membranes taut part!.
It's not bad!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your friend knows my "friend"!
Yes, it more than qualifies!
maWww@QuestionHome@Com
I like it!. Very niceWww@QuestionHome@Com
You wrote that didn't you!?
Yes you did!.
na na nana naWww@QuestionHome@Com
yes it does
and i can relate to it, some ways
it's pretty goodWww@QuestionHome@Com