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Question: Can you critique this poem please!?
A Day at Six Flags

Hmmm!.!.!.do I really like it here!?
I don't want to go for this ride
What do I have to prove!?
Why don't I just get out of line!?
Because I know its better not to go through it
You avoid so many dangerous situations
But yet I'm still here in line
I often stand in line for many rides
And on every ride I just close my eyes nad hang on tight
But yet I still feel the fear
And I still have the after affects
When the ride is over
And after one ride I still go for the next
Not knowing how to say no
my head faces to the ground as I stand in line
ahhh
What a shame!? What a shame!?
Could this be me could this be me!?
And I know I could be doing much worse

And everytime I go for a ride
I really hope that it will really end soon
I'm kind of glad I'm not anything else
I could've been a drunk or an alchoholic
But could this be much worse than both!?
I think I made a wrong turn back there somewhere
I really really don't know what to do!?
Would I give it all up for prison one day i really really don't know what to do!?

I have a loooooonnnggg way to go
or betta yet its been a long time to come
yup, its been a looonnng time coming
I guess the battles still not yet won

So many hurdles so many moutains
I'm up and down and don't know what to say
Can you see what you throwing in the fountain!?
I hate living my life that way

Oh Lordy Lordy Lordy
I'm on my knees I know that your the only one
The only one that knows the ending
The only one that knows how it begun

I'm a champ I'm a champ I'm aa champ
I'm not winning but I know I wont lose
But who knows where I will end up
I swear to God I don't know what to do
I can't win but I really can't lose
Ahhh man I don't know what to do!?

Yeah!.!.!.sooooo
I had a dream last night that was really weird
She cried so hard because she loved me!.!.!.
But I was so speechless!.!.I couldn't even speak
Its a sign of hopelessness
Its a sign of hopelessness

And many times I have contemplated
an image that I've seen many times
He was grabbing on a pole trying not to fall
but it was angled and had a lot of oil on it

But I just can't let this go
I guess I have to keep on running
I can't live like this no moe

I guess I have to keep on running
I don't care what I have to leave behind
cause when it ends I would know that I've won it
I had crossed the finish line
I had crossed the finish line

There's nothing left
There's nothing left

I'm go cross that finish line

And thanks to all of those that will stick with me
Thanks to Allah
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Um!.!. I didn't read it all, so sorry! I just have a very low attention span!. =P The first stanza I *did* read, and there was definite room for improvement!. The situation is kind of relatable, but your phrasing was confusing!. also, it seemed more like a short story than a poem!. What I mean by that is it didn't really flow; the poem was like prose with messed up aligning!.!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

well, i read it, and as i was going along i'm thinking, wow, this is dumb, and then i kept going, and i'm thinking, oh no, this person has some serious problems, and then i got to the last line and i thought yep, i was right from the beginning!. Praise God!Www@QuestionHome@Com