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Position:Home>Poetry> Will you comment on "The dance of the fireflies"?Question: Will you comment on "The dance of the fireflies"!? Will you dance with me
In a starlit sky Somewhere between Your world and mine My gown a cloud Of silk and lace Aglow in the light Of the full moons face Waltz on the stars That shine in my eyes Or tango beneath These sunkist skies If thunder roars We'll dance in the rain Dark silhouettes Briefly insane The music of angels Heard from afar As we catch a ride home On a falling starWww@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Of course, Iano is right about the possessive form of the common noun moon, as you have subsequently recognized!. The apostrophe can be used either in contractions or in forming possessives, and we discern the authors intent from the context!.!.!. your context speaks unequivocally!. I liked your poem in most regards, but not the line "Briefly insane" because it doesn't seem, to me at least, to work well with the rest of the poem; even something like "All that remain" seems, to me, better!. As for metrical concerns, it reads reasonably smoothly when I scan it, but I don't like your penultimate line!. What if you had terminated the previous line with an em dash and then concluded your poem with "Catch a ride home / On a falling star!." That seems more in keeping with the flow of your poem!. These are small matters, and indeed matters for debate, but accept my suggestions in the spirit they are offered, viz!. to make a relatively strong effort perhaps even a little better!. The choice is entirely your own in the final estimation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com As I read this, I get an image in my mind and music in my head!. Rather than fireflies, I see Valkyries, and one in particular is motioning to me!. I also hear Wagner's "Flight of the Valkyries" playing first softly then reaching a cresendo as the dance comes to an end, and all are homeward bound!. edit: Flung a craving on me, so I am now listening to the valkyries while reading it again!. Wonderful sensation!.Www@QuestionHome@Com I was a little confused with the lighting effects - it was a starlit sky yet there was a full moon and, apparently, a sun ("sunkist" - which I thought was a brand of prune juice)!. Ahhhh, just being picky for the sake of it!. Sweet poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Strangely enough, this piece had me trying to recall every moment I've ever seen a firefly!. That's some mighty fine writing little lady!Www@QuestionHome@Com Sin, I loved it, really loved it!. It should be set to music! The images divine! I wanna dance, too!Www@QuestionHome@Com This is very good with strong imagery!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Big time rhythm!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Apostrophe in moon's!. Of the full moon's face!. These moon-kissed skies!. How about!.!.!? Will you dance with me In the sky above Me in your arms In a dance of love My gown a cloud Of silk and lace Aglow in the light Of the full moon's face Waltz on the stars That shine in my eyes Or tango beneath These starlit skies If thunder roars We'll dance in the rain Dark silhouettes Briefly insane The music of angels Heard from afar As we catch a ride home On a falling star I've haven't bothered 'correcting' the meter, but perhaps you should consider making it consistent!. Merely for the challenge of it if nothing else!. No, because in this context the apostrophe denotes ownership, as in Iano's poem!. (The poem of Iano!.) Moon's face is the same!. (The face of the moon!.) To say moons denotes more than one!. One moon, two moons, etc!. Trust me!.!.!.I'm a doctor!. (Eh!?)Www@QuestionHome@Com |