Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Constructive criticism on my poem. . .?


Question: Constructive criticism on my poem!. !. !.!?
This is only my first draft!. !. !.any opinions or critcism is welcome & greatly appreciated, thanx!. =]

I Won't Give Up

Walking alone
On an unfamiliar street
On a dark, gloomy day
The clouds of grey
Hover, and creep above me
I am down here
I can smell the earth and air so sweet
I can feel my loneliness
Surrounding me
Out here, I can actually breathe
I won't give up
I can feel the fallen, broken leaves swirling around me
The wind whipping my hair in fury
The pull is stronger
The clouds are closer now
They're closing in on me
I can still take it all in
The grass illuminating the darkness
Like little rays of life below
Now the rain droplets attack
They thump on my head and chill be to the core
I cringing, but I know there's more
The wind is picking up
Hurling things at me from every direction
North, South, East, West
But here there's no direction
Just empty
The storm is now a monotony of bone-shaking thunder
Rain like ice burning my skin
Pressure, threatening that my heart will explode
I won't give up
Trees are coming down
Snapping and crunching
This is the best day of eternity
I knew it would always come down to this
Is it even the same day!?
Why should it matter!?
I won't give up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
your trying too hard to rhyme at the expense of creativity in the beginning, other than that its great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

bEST WORK ON SYMBOLISM IS DONEWww@QuestionHome@Com

i like it i think its goodWww@QuestionHome@Com

maybe have it separated into sections!? i don't know !. !. !. but don't give up! yes good for you!Www@QuestionHome@Com