Poems!.!.!.!. what do you think of mine!?
What do you think of them!?
Do they need a little work!?
Or are they good!?
Tell me the truth, these are the rough drafts!.
Parents
Try your hardest that's what they say!.
That's what i do, every day!.
But i guess for them that's not enough!.
Im way too fragile not as tough!.
Him
His voice like silk
Alive in my darkest dreams
his sweet smooth lips
Make me want to scream
He didnt tell the truth
He didnt even try
And the worst thing yet
I belived ever one of those despiteful lies!.
Love
He says hes falling to peices,
hes always comeing apart!.
I tell him that i love him,
i have from the start!.
He finally pops the question,
he wants to make it forever!.
And ill tell you from that day on
hes always completly together!.
Yep Yep Yep!.
Check out my other one too:)
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They're okay; in some parts "good"!.
Yes, they need a little work!.
"Parents" is a little too short!. I felt just a little sorry for you!. Which is my first point!.!.!.I felt just a little!. When I read a poem I want to feel a lot!. I want to pound my fist and scream!
"But I guess" makes me wonder Why is she guessing!.
"Him"
"Make me want to scream" makes me wonder, Why is she holding back!. What's so deep inside that needs TO GET OUT!?!
"despiteful lies" use one word or the other;
if "despiteful," what else were his words: "promises," "pleas"!?
("despiteful promises," or "despiteful pleas")
If "lies," what kind of lies: "promising," "soft"!?
("promising lies," or "soft lies")
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i honestly like all three of them but ive always just been ok at the poerty thing but i think there good!.
check out mine if you have a sec =)
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