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Question: My poetry! what do you think about it!?
good afternoon everybody! i've write a poetry in prose that i have to read aloud in my class! but i don't know if is good or bad!.!.and more important thing if it's without grammar mistake (i'm italian)! so please could you read it,judge it,and correct it for me!?!? thanks a lot!.!.!.this is the poetry:
loneliness!.!.
yes this is the word that contain in itself all the coldness to a moment
and this is what i fell now
i've hear hosting words
things that deliberately i had avoided
'till i realised!.!.
but i wouldn't believe it !
there was still that little hope in myself
there was that little lighted flam
like when the fire is coming to the end!.!.but it resist
it resist 'cause it's obstinate!.!.
it's obstinate just like me!
but when you see the truth
well!.!.you have to give in
'cause you understand that what you've hope
was just illusions!
[!.!.]
oh yes! this is what hurt you!.!.
the real facts!.!.

you're free to going now
you won't be more in my heart
you won't be more in my tough
you won't be more the tear i cry when you tell me something sweet
you won't be more the tear in the night
you was all my world!.!.
but now you're like a star that shine than ever before died!.!.
goodbye my sweet prince
if you'll come back
i'll be here
but for now i can only hope you'll understand what i want!.!.YOU

( yes i know it's very long but please is important for me knowing you'r opinion!.!.thanks a lot everyboby!.!.kisses
by -eyedreamer-) Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is really quite moving, and all credit to you ~ you asked if anyone would go through regarding the grammar etc!., well I have :

Loneliness:
Yes this is the word that contains in itself all the coldness of a moment
and this is what I feel now
I hear hosting words
things that deliberately I had avoided
'till I realised
but I wouldn't believe it!

There was still that little hope in myself
there was that little lighted flame
like when the fire is coming to the end!.!.!.but it resists
it resists 'cause it's obstinate
it's obstinate just like me!
but when you see the truth
well!.!.!.you have to give in
'cause you understand that what you've hoped
was just an illusion!.

Oh yes this is what hurt you
the real facts!.

You're free to go now
you won't be more in my heart
you won't be more in my thoughts
you won't be more the tear I cry when you tell me something sweet
you won't be more the tear in the night!.

You were my world
but now you're a star that shone that never before died
goodbye my sweet prince
if you'll come back
I'll be here
but for now I can only hope you'll understand what I want is!.!.!.!.YOU

Very lovely ~ hope I've helped just a littleWww@QuestionHome@Com

Very very good !!!!Www@QuestionHome@Com

pretty good :) Www@QuestionHome@Com

It's really good, well done!Www@QuestionHome@Com