Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Check out this poem I wrote and tell me what you think.?


Question: Check out this poem I wrote and tell me what you think!.!?
Waiting


Clink!.!.!.Clink!.!.!.Clink,
The branches hit against the clear window!.
Thunk!.!.!.Thunk!.!.!.Thunk,
The rain falls against the tin roof!.
I sit in my chair
waiting,
waiting,
waiting on someone to sit with me!.
As I wait,
I rock,back and forth,
back and forth!.

Water drops from my eyes down to my mouth,
as I am waiting,
waiting,
waiting,
on someone to dry them!.

There's a creek,
and then the sounds of footsteps!.
There's a shape of a person in front of the door!.
Who could it be!?
Could it be the one I have been waiting for!?
They come sit beside me,
they hug me and wipe my face with their hand!.
It is them, it is!.
A smile comes across my face!.
For I am no longer waiting,waiting,waiting!.
Oh no,
never again, will I,
be waiting!.

Da ManWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Well, if you aren't a professional, this isn't bad!. The images and sounds in the beginning create nice atmosphere, and the repetition of waiting is good too!.
I, personally wasn't too happy about the happy ending!. I think you should have left it in suspense, cut it off somewhere around
There's a creek,
and then the sounds of footsteps!.
There's a shape of a person in front of the door!.
Who could it be!?

Good luck! Write more!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

dude, i like it!.
it's got a personal sense of feeling!.
plus, i love when words are repeated for emphasis!.
KEEP IT UP!!Www@QuestionHome@Com