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Question: Does this sound as lame as I think it does!?
"we had to write something my teacher called "i Am" poem!. Basically we had to write a bunch of essays about ourselves (childhood memory, describe your neighborhood, family members, etc) and then we had to use the essays to write a poem!. This is what I wrote and I think its really lame and I'm afraid to read it in front of the class because every ones going to be like ah that's lame!.!.!.what do you think!?
I was from Navy bases, ships and top secret info
secret destinations and "you're too young to know"
I was from salutes and moments of silence
Respect for your country and one another
I am from watching fluffy clouds
Swinging on front porches
And sitting on swings
I am from taking it one day at a time
I am from back allys, skate parks
and long walks on train tracks
I am from street lights and night life
I am energy drinks and never stopping
I am from "growing up too fast"
"Wrong crowds" and "bad choices"
I am from lessons learned to late
I am from many mistakes but no regrets
I am from fast paced living
But yet looking back and laughing
I am from living in the moment
And treasuring every second
I am from watching stars
I am from Camaros and Blazers
Burnouts and Pozzis
I am smoking tires and laughter
I am from loud music and sub woofers
Strobe lights and black lights
I am from Bob Marley
Tool and Sublime
I am from chaos and laughter
"Life's a party" and "Live it up"
I am concerts, and parties
I am screaming in silence
And laughing in sadness
By the way the tedious "I am" was part of the assignment!.!.!.lame I know!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Well I like it, and I doubt many people will turn in anything as thoughtful or as good!.Polish your grammar and punctuation a little before you hand it in and I reckon you'll do pretty well!.
I like the way there is a mix of images from classical like clouds, to more modern like skate parks!.
I think it's better if you let things flow to a certain extent!.Nobody is expecting a masterpiece at this point ,expression is more important!.
I once had a drunken chat with the mother of an actor/comedian from near where I live who ran a poetry group!.(he was actually in 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade')!.
I was very young and told her that I thought my poetry was too naive!.
She absolutely insisted that at my age that was exactly what it should be!.
That is why your poem has charm!.
Well done!.
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well, If You have to use "i am from" as often as You did (I know teacher can be weird with their regulations) then; I'd say it sounds pretty , good, also depending on how old You are [given You are young, and gas prices through the most recent years have been high, I'd say go with sumthing besides blazers] all in all, it does sound good,Www@QuestionHome@Com
Just a little, but still, you should add alittle more feeling into it from a robot, you know!? Let the words flow until you think it fits right!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
No one will think it's lame!. They'll all be too worried about their own poems!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
dang thats good! i could never write something like tha
good job!
thats not lame
:)Www@QuestionHome@Com
it sounds confusing and very difficult to no what r u saying Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like it very much!. I just am not sure why the first paragraph says !.!.!.I WAS from!.!.!.shouldn't it be I AM from, like all the other paragraphs!?!?!?
This definitely is NOT lame-good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com
I wouldn't call it lame, just unfinished!. The most important part of writing is the revising!. There is still a lot of work to be done, but it is worth doing!. I understand the "I am" being part of the assignment; does it have to be at the beginning of the line!? Perhaps if you could use them at the end, or bury them in the middle, you could lessen the tediousness a bit!. As you revise, pay attention to the rhythm and beware of the wicked beast called "CLICHE' !" Good luck with it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com