Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> I wrote a poem about my daughter that I think is great... just wanted to share i


Question: I wrote a poem about my daughter that I think is great!.!.!. just wanted to share it and ask for opinion!?
YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE
The love of my life
The one that I hold
Forever my sunshine
No matter how old
You share my smile
My best surprise
Forever your mommy
You have my eyes
Your little hands
Your tiny feet
Your button nose
Makes me complete
I love you my dear
More than I knew
I found myself
When I had you

-By me for Lily

Do not useWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
That is very sweet
for you to write a poem
for your daughter!.
And she will love you
whether you wrote her
a poem or not!.
You and your daughter
will always be forever
Your poem to her
will be one she will treasure!. Www@QuestionHome@Com

I hope your daughter
Is young!.

This
Is prose!.
If you use metrics
I can forgive the rhyme
And if you abandon the rhyme
You need a trope!.
If you get a trope
You'll need some metaphor
And with the metaphor,
You'll see your poem blossom
As wide as your Lily's smile (I'm making assumptions there!.)

It seems this should be so easy!. Your daughters name is lily, and you want to use sunshine!.

But instead you've filled this with the cliched, the trite, and written something anyone could write!. Which unfortunately, is just not poetry!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

I think it's fantastic as i too write poems for my young son' and i think you should really frame it' so she'll have it forever' by her side!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

IT!.IS!.THE!.SWEETEST!.POEM I'VE EVER HEARD OF A MUM! U SHUD SERIOUSLY GIV IT 2 HER!Www@QuestionHome@Com

copywrite that it brought a tear to my eye :) thankyou for shareingWww@QuestionHome@Com

aw my gosh! that is so adorable!.Www@QuestionHome@Com