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Question: How's your day go!.[!?] (poetically)!?


The Trowel Machine

Five hours after a nine hour day
I still have a death grip,
My hands ache!.
The carbon monoxide burning my eyes,
I still taste it, smell it!.
My tongue is ruined!.
The early hours into a late night
It’s still digging into my hip,
My sleep will wait!.
I hear it mesmerizing my every thought!.
The only music in the sweaty basement to dance to;
I lift up on the handle bars and take it to the left!.
I push down and she takes me to the right!.
We share the lead!.
A slow ugly waltz that I choreograph,
It is the machine that makes the floor shine,
But I get the credit; the floor is mine!.


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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is good!. Not finished, but good!.

I like the trope of the dance, now use it earlier in the poem!. Use it through out!. That's your trope, now use more metaphor to develop it!.

Your ending is perfect though!. I love the revelation that, though the floor polishes, you're the one leading!. Use that in your metaphors, how you're the lead, and how it influences the flow of the machine!.

Keep it up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Laughing
You spit and shine
reflective images leave you floored
this act!.!.!.career or art
a caretaker or an artist
polished pieces staggered seems
to align designs and patterns
as you wax poetically
buffing away the residue
exposing clean layers of life
to scar againWww@QuestionHome@Com

you should take a nap!. But i'm doing pretty good!.Thanks for asking how I'm doing Www@QuestionHome@Com

Wow, how can I top HP's answer!?!?!?!?!?!?Www@QuestionHome@Com

I finally rise from the bed,
An overweight Phoenix rebounds,
Having been so sick for days,
Shouldn't I have lost a FEW pounds!?

Finding that hope dashed,
I consider some more rest,
But my band has a gig tonight,
I'll try to look my best!.

I stumble to the bathroom,
Determination almost dies,
"Does the mirror have to be so cruel!?"
I hear myself cry!.

First things first---I'll dye my hair,
Charge things up I trust!.
But the only color I can find
Is labeled Purple Lust!.

I love that color,
Well, makes sense, since I made the purchase,
Except----the gig my band is playing!?
A rally of conservative churches!

Hmm,I say it's time for them
To think outside the box,
Even if my hair does turn out
The same shade as their socks!.

And who cares about my purple hair,
I'm gonna have some fun,
One thing I know about God music,
It can be cool wherever it's done!

p!.s!. that was last night, and yep, it was fun
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