Position:Home>Poetry> Plz comment on my poem!? I need opinions!!?
Question: Plz comment on my poem!!? I need opinions!!!?
About a couple months ago, i was SOOO not getting along w/ my sister at all and we fought ALL THE TIME!! MORE THEN WE SHOULD!!! so i wrote this poem about her at the time, were doing great NOW, but plz give me some much needed input on this poem, thx!.
Do you hate me!?
By: Zach
Why do you yell!?,
Why are you angry!?,
Was it something i did!?,
Do you hate me!?
Could that be true!?,
For i could never feel that way toward you!,
I love you, your my friend,
And I wish that you would too,
But a wall has hit between us and I don't know how that's so!.
But this wall, could it be hatred to whisper lies into your ears!?,
But I won't now, ever judge you,
For I know that this is wrong,
But your being such a b****,
And that I can't compare,
But I forgive you,
Don't you know!?!.!.!.,
That I'll always be here for you!.
So that day when you will need me,
I'll be right here for you,
'Cause your my best friend ever,
And I'll be waiting there for you!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Interesting and unexpected!.!.!.
Are you sure this is sibling rivalry, because you seem to care more about your sister than you hate her!. Not going to happen in MY family!. lolz XD
And about the "wall was hit between us"!.!.!. you should change the "hit" part!. Maybe "slammed"!. And swearing does not fit the mood of the poem!.
Otherwise, AWESOMENESS!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Personally, I think you could do without the cursing!. :)
Otherwise, I think it's okay!. It's better than something I could ever come up with!. Good job!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i thought it was pretty good!. a pantoum poem wuld be a pretty good idea it always shows how thoughtful a person can beoWww@QuestionHome@Com
I'll start this out with a good comment, it's a great story line for a poem and expresses great emotion!.
Now I want to Help you with things!.
"But a wall has hit between us and I don't know how that's so!.
But this wall, could it be hatred to whisper lies into your ears!?,"
These two lines have GREAT descriptive words, but they are too long for the poem and throw off the rhythm!.
That I'll always be here for you!.
So that day when you will need me,
I'll be right here for you,
This too throws the rhythm off, it needs one more line
OTHERWISE it's a great poem and I'm proud of you fro expressing yourself in poetry rather than stabbing her or something!. :]Www@QuestionHome@Com