Position:Home>Poetry> Tell me what you think, honestly, be harsh if you want!!!?
Question: Tell me what you think, honestly, be harsh if you want!!!!?
I live with this lifelong pain
Of my skin embedded in my chain
My water bowl is always dry
And I just don't understand why
There’s dirt caked on my every paw
A reminder of my owner's flaws
I'm the sun so painfully hot
Why did they leave me to die and rot!?
Then one day some people came
They took me away
My neck went from bloody and sore
And then wasn't visible anymore!.
They didn’t keep me long
Please tell me what I did wrong
Now everyday I watch you pass by
Why won't you look me in the eye!?
Maybe you'd give me a handout or two!.
Something, anything to help pull me through!.
But yet you keep walking
While I keep squawking
Trying to get your attention!.
My body can't take more tension!.
All you can see is my bones
All you hear are my now painful moans!.
My mouth is so dry,
Getting you attention is hard to try!.
Then finally someone stops
They didn't give me a handout though!.
They took me with
They gave me water and food
Out in a cage that people viewed
Then gave me to new owners
Who then set me free
I'm no longer a sore for sight!.
Cause I have owners that treat me right
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
first of all, it's a really amazing poem, I wish I could write poetry like that!. But I can still help you because there are a couple of grammatical errors (more my forte lol)
Just so you know if it's in squared brackets ( [ ] ) i changed it
I [lived] with [all that searing pain]
[My] skin [was] embedded in [that] chain
My water bowl [was] always dry
I just [didn't] understand why
There [was] dirt caked on [all] my [paws]
A reminder of my owner's flaws
[And] the sun so painfully hot
[They left] me [there] to die and rot!?
*Then one day some people came
*They took me away
*My neck went from bloody and sore
*And then wasn't visible anymore!.
*They didn’t keep me long
*Please tell me what I did wrong
*Now everyday I watch you pass by
*Why won't you look me in the eye!?
*Maybe you'd give me a handout or two!.
*Something, anything to help pull me through!.
*But yet you keep walking
*While I keep squawking
*Trying to get your attention!.
My body {could not] take [any] more tension!.
All you [could] see [were] my bones
All you [could] hear [were] my painful moans!.
My mouth was so dry,
[Get your attention!? I had to try]
Then [one day] someone [stopped]
They didn't give me a handout though!.
They took me with [them]
They gave me water and food
[Then put] in a cage that people viewed
Then gave me to new owners
Who then set me free
I'm no longer a sore for sight!.
Cause I have owners that treat me right
Hope i helped
I don't understand the bit with the asterixes sorry
Www@QuestionHome@Com
Honestly :
That really made me feel for animal cruelty, I think personally that it is brilliant! It made ne feel so sad that I nearly cried for the poor animal but it ended perfectly, when the animal had new owners and lived happy! I think that you are a great poet!
Well Done!Www@QuestionHome@Com
i have to say i don't really know what animal it is and it is really harsh , it is kind-of like you are saying that the owner is abusing the animal because there is no water in its bowl , ETC!. , i suggest that you make a happier poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i understand it perfectly its about chaining dogs up!. i really really liked it!. maybe you should email the humane society of the united states with it, im sure they would be so impressed!. their website is www!.hsus!.orgWww@QuestionHome@Com
I understood it perfectly, how could you not know it was about a cat or dog!. You used the word paws and owners!. You used great words that rhymed and perfectly contrasted them!. You have a lot of potential!. Good luck!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It strikes me as juvenile canned culture which detracts from the important issue of animal cruelty!. It rhymes too much and the vocabulary is seriously lacking in creativity!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I really like it you wrote it from the soul I can tell I even starred it for you would you want to read mine!?
http://answers!.yahoo!.com/question/index;!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
thats actually pretty good-sad but true words-im really into non mistreatment of pets of any kind-i hate folks that do it and would like too see them shot!Www@QuestionHome@Com
omg, this is sooo pretty
im like a really big vegan so when i write stuff bout this people dont get me!.!.
keep writting cause its the truth and its a really good way of saying it
:]Www@QuestionHome@Com
its so sad!.!.!. you should send a copy to your local humane society!.!.!. or maybe dear abby too!.!.!.
and give it to your english teacher for extra credit!!
it reallyis quite cleverWww@QuestionHome@Com
Wow!.!.!.this is very good!. The rhyming pattern is a little off!.!.!.but it is very good!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Awesome WHY TO GO GIRL!! man this poem really means a lot in today's world!.!.!. Animals are getting the blunt of everything!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
They must be dim then cos I understood it well and truely and if you have written this, its great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
you need a fairy godmother
a ball
and prince charming
as you have a head full of fairies Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very good!. I want to beat the living piss out of people who are cruel to animals!. Douchemonkeys!.!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
its good it got the point across very well
the word squawking didnt make sense!.!.!.arent you talking about a dogWww@QuestionHome@Com
awesome well developed and kind of trickyWww@QuestionHome@Com
I read this to my dog Spike and he won't stop crying!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I definitely understood it!.
Very good, kind of made me want to cry,
keep up the good work!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i think thats a very amazing poem!!! that is very good!! keep it up!. you could be very sucessful! I love it!!!
Best Of Luck!!!!!
--CattieWww@QuestionHome@Com
that is amazing if you wrote it , you have talent!!!
it probably would've made me cry if i were 5Www@QuestionHome@Com
Too long for my attention spanWww@QuestionHome@Com
it was actually very moving!.!.!.I think its greatWww@QuestionHome@Com
To be honest, that was a load of!.!.!.
Pure genius!.!.!.!.Well done!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
It was very well written!. Good job!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i like it u shoudl send it into a poetry contest u could have it put into a book for others to read! Www@QuestionHome@Com
I thought it was good!. Speaking for the poor animal that can't speak for itself right!? Www@QuestionHome@Com
I got teary eyedWww@QuestionHome@Com
really good!.!.!. i had a tear in my eye no lie!.!.!. GREAT jobWww@QuestionHome@Com
that is awesome if i could write poetry that good i would be a happy kid Www@QuestionHome@Com
goodWww@QuestionHome@Com