Position:Home>Poetry> Help to revise this poem?

Okay so this poem i wrote and need help re-wording it little it sounds choppy to me so any ideas lay them on me, Im 15, but if you would like to state you opinion please do don not be afraid to be honest, and help is appreciated, ty


Cantankerous love a forbidden woe,
these two hearts a dangerous flow,
so painfully bittersweet,
when there beloved faces meet
as if destined from above,
their hearts flutter with love,
for their love not to sway,
they must somehow find a way,
their relationship kept hid,
if anyone knew heaven forbid,
meeting secretly at night,
parents are their only fright
they have tried running away,
yet there is nowhere they can stay,
time is not on thier side,
on lifes long hard ride,
she runs through the front lawn,
waiting at the first crack of dawn,
for her love so true,
but only if she knew,
that by that willow he wouldn’t be,
for his soul has been set free,
taken by his own hands,
to freely wander the lands,
and she ’s still waiting,
for the one she has been secretly dating,
the sun has now set,
and their faces have not yet met,
that’s when she got the call,
their faces will not meet at all,
never again under that willow,
tightly she clenches her pillow,
filled with tears,
but she has no fears,
she’s just curious why,
he’s up there in the sky,
and not with her,
why did he just let these feelings stir,
all this wonder and curiosity,
she misses his warmth and generosity,
and why is she not with him,
the world has become so dim,
dark, shallow, and cold,
she should have done what she was told,
and stayed away,
the world would not be so dark today,
she longs to be with him now,
but just wonders how,
she drank a bottle down,
just to help the frown,
intoxicated just enough,
she opened a drawer of stuff,
at the bottom a knife so thin,
from there she let the devil win,
on the floor her body crashed,
and her life went passed,
and then it was gone,
her body lie dead and cold,
her bravery was bold,
stupid yeah maybe,
but her spirit is now free,
she saw him there so beautifully glowing
yet,so was she without knowing,
and he said “ we are no longer hiding”,
now amongst the skies we are riding,
we will be together forever,
and to be separated never!.

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