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Position:Home>Poetry> Tell me about it! Comment and critique my poem please!?Question: Tell me about it! Comment and critique my poem please!!? BE HONEST!
He broke my heart, But time fixed that, He broke my trust, But friends fixed that!. You took my hand, Then stole my heart, I let it go, Gave into you, You gained my trust, As rare as it has been, You gained my love, But then you threw it all away!. I thought that you were different, I though you’d be a friend, But things got rough and you jumped ship, And left me here to drown!. He broke my heart, Now so did you, You broke my trust, And I can’t get it back!. Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: Really, it all depends on style!. You could write vague, and make it so the reader barely understands, or tell the entire story (kind of like yours)!. The part I liked is "but things got rough and you jumped ship, and left me here to down"!. Great line!. Very visual!. The only advice I can give you is to make it tempting to know the story!. It's slightly tempting now, but make it so the reader really wants the scoop on what's happening!. Or, if it's just for you, then it's fine, because you know all about the story!. Well!.!. I don't know what you want to do with it!. It's good!. :)Www@QuestionHome@Com This is amazing!.!.!. He broke my heart, But time fixed that, He broke my trust, But friends fixed that!. You took my hand, Then stole my heart, I let it go, (I didn't like this part!.!.!.maybe change to "and fell apart" You gained my trust, "it's been rare" You gained my love, "my answered prayer" The last 2 stanzas are the same!. You lose the rhyme scheme and it falls apart a bit!. But the meaning is great!. Its really a wonderful poem, but if you are going to start with a rhyme scheme (that is strong) you should keep it!. I like it :)Www@QuestionHome@Com you have a good start but the rhyming is simple!. use different words to describe you feel!. use a rhyme dictionary to help you if rhyming isn'tt your goal in this poem, you need to deeply describe how you feel!. He broke my fragile heart and it shattered trying to piece it together but it all seems scattered!. I cant imitate the pain you've felt because its never happened to me!. you have to make me feel as if it has happened to me!. www!.rhymezone!.comWww@QuestionHome@Com It is hard to believe a person's heart can mend It takes time for that if it ever should Betraying someones trust has to be gained Both of these will take hard work If a person breaks hearts betrays trust can't be trusted or there is no faith Www@QuestionHome@Com i like it!.!.it makes me think of my ex!.!.he so broke my heart!. ahh =/ dont wanna cry!.!.umm i havent had it broken twice yet!.!.but i yes!.!.i like it alot!.Www@QuestionHome@Com coolWww@QuestionHome@Com |