Bright star in a darkened atmosphere,
Burst into the infinite without fear
When you look beyond the walls you've built so well
Around the boundaries of your private hell!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
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Position:Home>Poetry> Will you contemplate four lines?Question: Will you contemplate four lines!? Bright star in a darkened atmosphere,
Burst into the infinite without fear When you look beyond the walls you've built so well Around the boundaries of your private hell!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Best Answer - Chosen by Asker: It is important to note here; Hell does have boundaries!.Www@QuestionHome@Com How wonderful it is for you to have inspired so many poems from your four lines!. The first two lines are magical, they are scientific!. The atmosphere would be dark and the the star would make it bright!. I love how you advise the bright star to burst into the infinite fearlessly!. Now you take me into the privacy of a special space, not where the bright star has changed the atmosphere to light!. You definitely need a period after fear, and I would not capitalize each line!. Or no period and change When to then and delete you!. I nixed that, and added two lines to complete the poem, as I see it!. Bright Star, in a darkened atmosphere, burst into the infinite without fear!. See the freedom of that star, then look beyond the walls you've built so well, around the boundaries of your private hell; break out, create your own quasar!. The entire shift of the poem is powerful from the bright star bringing light to suddenly looking at the walls!. Here, it seems that you are talking to the star!. So, that would indicate that the first two lines are a metaphor and that you are actually speaking to a person!. Personification of the star means capitalizing Star as you speak to it!. I added two lines, which IMO brought the two pieces together!. I felt that it needed a connection because, as a metaphor, the first two lines don't work that well!. The advice is implied, and very well done!. The star has broken through, therefore you can do it too!.tWww@QuestionHome@Com Hi AMY G, Though i am not english poet yet i am trying to join with your four lines!.I have choosen two verses from my Urdu poem as translated below:- Is there !? any King , to feed , because of one he has decided to sell his heart because of fun They are not ready to accept , any of my argument for that my head is on sword , because of statement Zakir Ranjha!.Www@QuestionHome@Com ahhh!.!.!. I see so many Gubbermint areas to tax & fine here !.!.!.!.tsk, tsk !.!.!.!.spontaneous combustion without a license !.!.!. potential damage to the Ozone layer !.!.!.!. traveling between states of enlightenment without appropriate papers My, my by the time the gubbermint is finished with you they won't have to worry about getting that $700B back!Www@QuestionHome@Com The wall I thought that was so strong that never could be tumbled, The poems I thought I could not write because the words were jumbled wisdom came to me one day standing in hell's great hall I do not have to stay here chose to break down the wall, and search for light!. Wonderful Amy!Www@QuestionHome@Com I Have read a great many of your Postings!. All of which relate to me in so many ways!. I feel I want to help you somehow, but it seems we are both locked in darkness even though we can turn the light on at any time!. Some times The Darkness is A far safer place to be!. Your words are always Beautifully expressed!.Thank you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com So if these walls came to life,for just one day,would you have a clear conscience too!? Is there anything you would be ashamed of !. If these walls were talking to you!? ThanksWww@QuestionHome@Com Im in love with ur poem!. Seriously!. I likes this line especially 'Around the boundaries of your private hell!." This is how people distance themselves away frm happiness and love!. Perfect poem! =) Keep writinWww@QuestionHome@Com The hells we build are bright within, They tell the places where we've been, But in the firmament a star Is born when we break out from where we are!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Wow!. Never thought of a star that way!. Of course you could be writing of a person, and probably are!. Great!.Www@QuestionHome@Com Looks around!.!.!.you talking to me Amy!? now you know very well to "burst into the infinite" one must destroy walls!.!.!.i just peek over the edge in envy!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The supernova looked fair to touch its beauty i do not dare alone in this sanctuary I suffer my calvary Www@QuestionHome@Com Have you found, oh bright star, HOW to burst into the infinite without fear!? Please, tell us how to live outside the boundaries of our own private hells!. SueWww@QuestionHome@Com The private hell we live in now Can be removed-I'll tell you how!. With faith and love-just do your part!. To tear down walls-just change your heart!. Www@QuestionHome@Com i love it, its a great intro to a poem or maybe if u work it right it could be an ending!.!.!.!.!.!. any ways its really good, i love it =]Www@QuestionHome@Com each of us has our own and new hell each one our own wall but when those loved ones reach out to us make we can look beyond those wallsWww@QuestionHome@Com WOW! Great, It tells a lot with just four lines!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com The world is finite strange and small within our minds there is no wall!.Www@QuestionHome@Com this is GREATWww@QuestionHome@Com |