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Question: Can you critique my poem please!?
I tell you that I love you,
But you don’t believe me!.
I tell you I want to care for you,
But you won’t let me!.
I tell you that everything of mine is yours,
But you…!.you won’t allow yourself to have me!.
I feel the pain in your heart,
I know what you are going through!.
You don’t know where from to restart,
But you know I’m here to help you!.
You say you want me in your life,
You say that you need me,
But so much contradiction,
When you push yourself away from me!.
With you in my heart;
I wait!.!.!.
patiently!.
I cry!.!.!.
silently!.
I pray for you!.!.!.
whole heartedly!.
I will be yours,
You will be mine…
One day,
…!.hopefully!.
I know it’s not so good…lol,
Please don’t feel sorry for me…I made this up in like 5 minutes,
I don’t have anyone like that in my life…so don’t worry =)
I just need some help on how to improve, Thank You =)
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
I've been a poet for about 5 years and I like the expression that you used in your poetry!. There are many different types of poetry!. Some simply explain feelings (like this one would) and some rhyme!. If you are the type of person that likes to write poetry to explain feelings you have done a good job!. You do have some rhyming in there as well!.
Believe me, you are good, but even if you don't think you're "so good" that will come with practice!. It does take time to develop the gift of poetry and some people couldn't even do what you just did in 5 min!. Keep working on it and you'll be really good at it! Poetry is a wonderful thing and if you can express your heart through poetry!.!.!.go for it!!.!.!.you have a gift that no one can take from you!
Be yourself and share your heart! I also sit quietly and listen as the Lord guides me and tells me what to write down!. Be as specific and detailed as you can!. Use any personal experience or knowledge you might have!.
If you are really interested in writing poetry I can help you if would like!. We can correspond or something!.!.!.!.like I said, if you would like!. Other than that I hope I've encouraged you!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Your poem clearly talks about efforts
for example you go out of your way for
the other person, but would they do the same
for you!?
One person is being sincere however
are they!?
Two lines says about you what you do
the other few the other person and contrary!.
You wait for reply anything less
you will cry because this is like having your heart
ripped out!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Awww, you don't need to improve a thing, hun!.
That was a reallyyyy good poem!.
I lovedd it!. ??
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Good job for just 5 minutes of work!. I would love to read something that takes you an hour!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Very very goodWww@QuestionHome@Com
I actually like it!. Its worded weird in some places, but it has a nice flow!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i love the end :)Www@QuestionHome@Com
Well!. Uhm!. Since you don't have real life, personal, experience with someone like that then it prolly wouldn't be as good as it would've been if you had!. I mean like I don't sit down and write my poems, they kind of smash me in the back of the head with a hammer when something is happening to me!. Most of the time my poems are about my boyfriend, some kind of slutty girl in my school, my family, myself, or one of my friends!. The ideas should come naturally and realistically!. When it happens like that it turns out much better than if it is forced!. :) good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com