Question: Do you think my Beloved will like this poem!?
by C!.S!. Scotkin
If I could wish on stars up in the skies
I wish you’d see yourself once, through my love
and worry not what life will bring to us,
together we can face our winter snow!.
So see the man I love now growing gray,
with slower step from life so fully lived,
your body, heart both scarred, your tragedies
do bring compassion, love into my life!.
We came into each others hearts so late
and wish we’d known each other all our lives,
yet those two people would not be the same
as Autumn trees do differ from the Spring!.
You took my hand to finish this long path
I made a wish, and you came true at last!.
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
'Marvellous, darling' said Granny Jill, in her best Hermione voice!.
No, seriously!.!.!.!.once again, this is a wonderful poem!. I am in awe of your gift!. You seem to have this innate ability to pace your lines, and place each word exactly where it belongs!.!.!.!.innate or hard work!?
For example, many would have stopped at 'bring' in your third line - the 'to us' prevents that awful 'clang' sometimes heard at the end of lines in poetry!.
Your symbolism isn't forced, or layed (lain!?) on with a trowel
'our winter snow' is beautiful!.
You are not sentimental in that often sickly, over-the-top style some poets adopt!.!.!.yet heart-felt sentiment is there!.
And so on and so on!. Honest, I have to stop otherwise my critique will become an essay!.
ps - Me and my dear one used to bemoan the fact we hadn't met earlier!.!.!.!.but that was because I had my first child at 30 (he 37) and we got a bit tired over the next 15 years bringing the b*ggers up!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Oh, my, how could he not!?
Reminds me of the words my husband and I said to each other when we agreed to marry at 45 and 47!.!.!.Autumn trees do differ from the Spring, but we will be together to watch their leaves fall, and even together at death!.
This touched me deeply!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I married my loving wife when I was 56 and she being a child bride of 43!. It has been a wonderful 6 years, and the fact is when we were younger, we would probably have never even noticed each other!. My second, her first time to the alter!.
If that beloved doesn't like your poem, this one does!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I like your metaphor in S3 comparing the trees!. ('Love's much better the second time around')!. also, the couplet aptly sums up the message!. Wishing on the stars is a bit overused!. I wish you could find another way to introduce the poem!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
"Grow old with me, the best is yet to be"!.
There's a true beauty to mature love that youthful souls cannot fully comprehend -they'll need to experience the aging process to do so!.
You know he'll love this!Www@QuestionHome@Com
Sonnet 116 was read on my marriage day!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
If !.!.!.If only, I can find the moment again, Houdini won't be able to wrangle it from me!.
I truly find comfort in the words here CS!.!.!.!.TY
OH the question!.!.!.!.!.I'm sure!.!.!.as much as he loves youWww@QuestionHome@Com
Lovely!.!.Just lovely!.!.And it would be lovely even more, if it was hand written and personally signed!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
I know if I were your beloved, I would be thrilled with this poem!. It's really beautiful!. =)Www@QuestionHome@Com
I wish this were yesterday!. It was our 8th anniversary!. And, we're a little long in the tooth!. But, better late than never!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
This made my eyes tear!.
Of course dear, it came from your hand and your heart!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Aww thats so beautiful sweety!.!.!.!.!.i love it!.!. im sure hes blessed he has you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
beautiful!. i envy you your true love!. expressed so eloquentlyWww@QuestionHome@Com