Position:Home>Poetry> Would you comment on success in relating the experience, rather than on the expe
Question: Would you comment on success in relating the experience, rather than on the experience itself!?
Missing the Mark
Two years it took young mother of two
while husband served country overseas
so hard she worked in evening classes
a post graduate degree her high goal!.
The only child from family of three
to have gotten even a first degree!.
Father, a Naval Academy man, proficient
nay, genius in fields math and science!.
Not even the great 'he' had a Master Degree!
This day in her mind's eye long envisioned!.
Maybe, just maybe when certificate I present
his long withheld approval I will win!.
Her moment came, proudly parchment she passed,
from her hand to his, breath held tight!.
He read the inked words in mock, replied,
"Master in the ARTS!? Special Ed!? You jest!"
With that he crumpled the paper like tissue!.
"I'll show you what this is worth to me!"
He squatted and reached behind himself
made gesture of wiping his butt!.
"No math or science in degree of arts,
you insult me with your sense of pride!.
If you had wanted to make me proud
Master in SCIENCE should have been your goal!."
To this day, wrinkled degree hangs framed
on her meager wall of fame, constant reminder
of the plain fact no matter how hard she
tried to please, she always missed the mark!.
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Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Oh you related the experience very well!.
I am fuming!.
Sticking to the 'flow'
I wonder if in the third it should have stayed in the third person, not the first!. The sudden appearance of "I" made me blink!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
Ignorance is a multi-dimensional devastation!. It lives only in the dark territories, far from light areas of education, and candlelight of arts and intellectual creativity!.!. That is why I'm saying that validation shouldn't be the primary quest, especially for pure basic needs such as education!
For fake or for real, its a Well put (horrible) tragedy! Www@QuestionHome@Com
The question to me is why would you want to please an anal person like that!. I hope he pooped hiself to death and had a fatal paper cut because you should be proud very proud but since this is after all a poem and a good one at that you got the mark anyhow!Www@QuestionHome@Com
This message is important!. It is very difficult to separate the poem itself from its message!. I would suggest re-writing it as a dialogue poem instead!. That way, you won't need to worry about meter, etc!. and it will be dramatic--like a stage play!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
If this was true, then a very sad tale indeed!. If it penned from artist's mind then I might suggest it being somewhat over dramatic, but as always just my opinion!. A parent's expectations, real or imagined, are always hard to fulfill!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
eva you made me cry not because I worry it is real or made up, too dramatic or not you made me cry because parents treat their children like this at times
I cry at the brokenness of the world!. Www@QuestionHome@Com
awesomeWww@QuestionHome@Com
Very well written!. A poem to be proud of Www@QuestionHome@Com
How can great not be good enough!.!.!.!.!.!.!.tragic!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
(sniff) i wish i had my girlfriend!.!.!.!.!. love it!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
C!.S!. Lewis used a term in one of his books,"Out of the Silent Planet"
The word he used to describe an ignorant person who did awful things was "bent"!. There are many bent people in this world!. My father thought I was stupid to go to nursing school!. I graduated first in my class and I never got a phone call!. Women were good for one thing only and he never forgave His God for giving him only daughters!. No matter how bright or talented we were!. Great poem and sorry to prattle on so much!Www@QuestionHome@Com
To know the hard work to get a master's degree I salute she who has the master's in art!. My bachelor's is in science, but I haven't taken the long road to a Master's!.
The father is a first-class jerk!.!.!. but then he always was, and he proved it in a way that made him an **donkey**!.
You have shown me the scene, and given me the glimpse into one of the most painful moments there can be!. Your poem is powerful and it does not miss the mark!tWww@QuestionHome@Com