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Some Opinions Please!?
Poem I've written (it's a non-soppy poem about love)!. Almost everyone who read it hates the opening (thought they like the rest of it)!. D'you think its really that bad!? Apparently its "depressing"
One delicate mist of confusion wrapped
around a fragile state of mind!.
Even came free with one of those pretty red
ribbon things and a note from sender!.!.!.
Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Not at all depressing!. Clearly expressing a moment of liberation from confusion!. The opening is fine!. It is the bridge between the two halves that is tricky!. 'Even that freed by,' or even, 'dispersed by' instead of, 'Even came free,' might make it a bit easier to understand!. Assuming, of course, that that is your meaning!.
A bit more delicate itself, and a bit less obvious than most poems posted here, it will receive a few negatives - don't be pressured to conform!. Though not being a Haiku, it has that quiet sense, and you show a style worth persevering with!.
On further point!. Don't ever change the, 'pretty red ribbon things,' It expresses perfectly that moment of mental fumbling when we can't quite find the name for something!. A moment later, and you would have the name for it - but we are not seeing a moment later, we are seeing that moment of clarity, and this fumbling nails it!.Www@QuestionHome@Com
i dont get how the people think it was "depressing"
but i thinks it pretty good :)
the message im getting from this poem is!.!.!.!.
someone got a letter w/ a ribbon on it and there confused by it!?!?!?
its not depressing!. reads more hopelessly trying to convey something that your not fully understanding yourselfWww@QuestionHome@Com
Honestly I don't think it makes much sense!. And I don't get the depressing part!? There are not enough details!.Www@QuestionHome@Com