Question Home

Position:Home>Poetry> Does this poem flow???


Question: Does this poem flow!?!?!?
I have two poems that i tried to put together, i just wanted to know if it flows!.!.!. thanks for reading!.!.!.

all apologizes from the best of me, pity me
nothing i can say that could make this any better see
sometimes my mind gets twisted and confused
in the loop holes and what not
silenced by a gun shot

raining down like falling blocks
molten lava burning hot
garbage sits, stinks, and rots
until theres nothing more!.

draw some pictures on the happy little beach side
only to be washed up, floating in the high tide

little boy lost his kite, little man starts to weep
daddy comes to rescue and just sweeps 'em of his feet

windmill turns gently every gust of the wind blow
breeze flows swiftly like the paddles of a row boat
keep the paddles moving just to try keep the boat a float
light the safety signal, make the whole night sky glow

like the sun when its bright, luminescences in the night
where shooting stars are a sight, like tiny flaming kites
like bike rides at night, go from day to candle light
with the person that you love, to your side, to your right
Www@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
They are still two poems and I think the second is the better by far!. Work on the meter and phrasing - it's worth it!.
Good luck!Www@QuestionHome@Com

Yes, I think it flows pretty smoothly!.

Nice work!Www@QuestionHome@Com

both poems are great but I did not think that they flowed!.!. love them though!.!. SharonWww@QuestionHome@Com