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Question: Creative criticism on my poem!?
Flowers and lovehearts, feigned and untrue,
Faked feeling!. All of it!. Imposing on you!.
It seems emotion is for the virtuous clay
Clay and sweat we are forced day by day!.

Trying to comprehend my own twisting thoughts (What a trial)
Opening them, finding nothing (I'll call it 'My Style')
Pouring my heart out (Ha!) for (her) the masses to see
My true emotion on paper is never to be!.

Summon the stars to dance in our dreams,
Simple little nothings with no true mean!.
The walls of my mind thrash around like beasts,
Inside which live victims and the slather of priests!.

Sometimes I grapple and clutch for a cause,
Just one reason to live without pause!.
Just when it was all slipping from hand,
I met this angel, pure and grand!.

She had a not-so-pretty form,
A tasteless taste, temper of storm!.
Come to think of it I had no directive,
It seemed her beauty came from the defective!.

She never knew I felt like that,
Not a word of it left this cat!.
In not a year she crossed my mind,
I was content with her locked inside!.

Now she's gone, I don't lament,
I've nothing left inside to repent!.
Flowers and lovehearts, feigned and untrue,
Faked feeling!. All of it!. Imposing on you!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
Some of the rhymes feel forced and awkward, as if you got to the point where anything would do as long as it rhymed!. This is always a problem with this kind of poem and it is never easy to get around!.

One or two lines are also a bit on the 'clunky' side and really need to be revisited!. I'm thinking about lines three and four in the first stanza in particular here!. They don't work very well for me I'm afraid- what is virtuous clay!?

The words in parentheses in stanza 2 also break the rhythm and make reading it difficult!. The flow disappears completely!.

Stanza 3 is very disjointed and the imagery is confused and forced - how can the slather of priests 'live'!? Wrong metaphor, I feel!.

The more I look at this the more I feel it needs a complete overhaul!. Sorry!.

Too turbulent!. Your starting phrase suggests calmness!. But it's ok!.
mix them up!. If you stay in one area longer , it could work!. Or stay out of one area longer!. Whichever works!. I'd stay out of one area for awhile, I'll not say which one!.Www@QuestionHome@Com

mr AWESOME u r just awesomeWww@QuestionHome@Com