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Question: The light i want to see!.tell me what you think!?
hey this is called the light i want to see tell me what you think of it!.any opinion is nice to hear

The Light I Want to See

your the gentelmen I didn't think you would be
didn't think you could be
you made me warm when i was cold
you made me laugh when i wanted to cry
no this isn't a goofy love poem-for i am not in love
this is something different,the begining of something new!.
I look at you and i feel safe,i feel at home
while i still look for another to show me the light-show me the feeling!.!.
yet!.!.I think you have done just that!.
you have kept me bright at my darkest hour!.
is that enough!?should i stay,or search for the other!?
the other whose searching for me to make them safe
to keep them warm
to show them the lightWww@QuestionHome@Com


Best Answer - Chosen by Asker:
This is a pretty good early draft, you have an interesting idea and I think you are approaching it well!. As you revise, I would suggest that you think about making it less "prosy!." For much of the poem, if you were to write it out straight, without breaking it into little lines, there would be nothing there to say that you were actually reading a poem (lines 5 & 6 are but one example)!. I am curious as to why you did not punctuate the first 5 lines, then suddenly started!. There are specific reasons poems are not punctuated, usually to add a sense of ambiguity!. You should also beware of cliches; they sneak in on you at lines 3, 4, 7, 10 & 14!. Remember, if you have heard it before, so has everyone else!. And PLEASE, lose the lower case "i" for a pronoun; that doesn't work anymore! All in all, I think this is a good start and it is well worth the time and effort to work on it!. Keep it up!Www@QuestionHome@Com